According to the World Health Organisation, 24 per cent of young girls are sexually or physically abused before they turn 20. This isn’t just a human rights issue; it’s a public health crisis that demands immediate action.
A new program by The Big Sister Experience (BSE) is striving to educate young people around this life-threatening statistic by taking a strength-based approach to respectful relationships education.
Working at a grassroots level in schools across Victoria every day, The BSE facilitators report troubling issues such as intense pressure to conform to unrealistic beauty standards, driving poor body image, lowering self-worth, and negatively impacting mental health.
Simultaneously, there is a collective feeling among girls of being objectified, dismissed when trying to set boundaries, and uncertainty about whether their romantic partner’s intentions are genuine or manipulative in pursuit of sexual encounters.
Both of these struggles can be traced back to the lure of short-form content and social media, which, especially in recent years, has amplified gender-divisive rhetoric.
Apart from creating a safe container where young people can talk about their experiences, the new BSE program, Strength in Sisterhood (SiS), offers a much-needed opportunity for young people to seek advice and additional support.
The SiS program focuses on the 3 central pillars of possessiveness, victim-blaming and listening to your own intuition. Through a ‘show, don’t tell’ approach, facilitators highlight what a healthy relationship looks, feels and sounds like; whether that be within your family unit, or in a platonic or romantic relationship.
Due to the interactive and conversational nature of the program, students are encouraged to share their experiences, support their peers, and identify healthy relationships within their own lives or the media.
The SiS program permits participants to dive into the nuance of relationships and explore how what is okay for one person may not be okay for another person. But further beyond that, it encourages the young people to really question and get curious about certain everyday situations.
For example, one of the activities asks the students if it’s acceptable if someone apologises for something. Understandably, many of them laugh and roll their eyes before voicing, “Of course!” BSE facilitators then guide the conversation, prompting, “What about if they’ve done the same thing dozens of times? Or what if they are apologising for something that really impacts our self-worth, like commenting on our bodies, or shaming us?”
These kinds of activities open conversations, allowing the students to feel heard and validated; there is often so much wisdom in the room. Facilitators spotlight this wisdom to ensure that the young students feel heard, to nurture their sense of self and to reiterate: ‘What you say matters, I am here to listen, and I believe you in your lived experience.’
The aim is for students to walk away with a sense of empowerment, self-agency and sisterhood. The program reassures them that they are not alone in their challenges, that it’s ok to use your voice to call out poor behaviour, but mostly, to focus on surrounding yourselves with nourishing, supportive relationships in every facet of your life.
Parallel to the work we are doing in our newly launched SiS program, as a mother of boys, much of how I raise and guide my sons is influenced by the work I do with young women.
I am raising two young men who your daughters will feel safe and respected around. Even at 2 and 4 years old, this starts with modelling consent for it to become their normal. Things like asking them permission before I kiss and cuddle them, and thanking them for using their voice when they decline, or gently reminding them that I’d like to be asked before they jump on top of me on the couch.
We have a strong rule in our home that whenever someone says “stop”, we immediately stop what we are doing and put our hands up in the air. We also reinforce the idea at home (often multiple times per day) that all feelings are welcome, but not all behaviours are. We do this by offering them healthy outlets to welcome and express their intense feelings, like anger, such as jumping on the bed (to my mother’s dismay, this is a daily occurrence in our home!), hitting golf balls in the backyard, or even yelling into or punching pillows.
But above all, the number one principle we try to enforce when raising our boys is the concept of self-regulation. This is something that must be modelled by my husband and me. This looks like vocalising when we experience unpleasant emotions, and demonstrating healthy coping strategies to deal with these ourselves. Do we always get it right? Absolutely not… but more times than not, our boys are witnessing that it is human to have a full spectrum of emotions, and they have the opportunity to observe various safe and healthy ways to integrate these emotions without lashing out or hurting others.
Essentially, for me as a mother and an emotional literacy expert, I believe that if we can teach our young people strategies to self-regulate, they will eventually have many tools within themselves to cope with disappointment, shame, frustration, anger, and even positive yet sometimes overwhelming sensations such as love and lust. Teaching these strategies to children allows the young adult to process these emotions within without projecting them onto others.
For me, the work I do within my own home is equally important to the work we are doing in the Strength in Sisterhood program. It’s up to all of us to play any small role we can to fight these statistics and be the change for good for our future generations.