Anna Coutts-Trotter was in Year 10 when she began dating a boy from another school. Coutts-Trotter, now 23, says she initially felt loved and cared for in the teenage relationship, but she was soon subjected to his emotional and physical abuse and control.
Coutts-Trotter shared her story on the ABC’s Australian Story, which aired on Monday, where her parents, Environment Minister Tanya Plibersek and Michael Coutts-Trotter, also shared their perspectives as parents of a child who had been in an abusive relationship.
In the program, Plibersek says that when she first learnt of the abuse, “honestly, I wanted to kill him for hurting my child”.
The program looked at Coutts-Trotter’s experience of abuse, her decision to leave the relationship and to make a report to police. It also followed what the court process was like for her as a teenager and as a survivor of abuse.
Four Corners also looked at the establishment of The Survivor Hub, a volunteer organisation Coutts-Trotter co-founded to help other people who had experienced abuse. The hub holds support meetups for survivors, led by other survivors.
Describing the control she was subjected to, Anna said: “I had to be constantly available to him. It became normal for me that I needed to ask him for permission to do things … the way that I dressed, the way I behaved and acted in public.”
Specific details of the abuse Coutts-Trotter experienced have been withheld by the ABC for legal and personal reasons.
During the court case, Coutts-Trotter said it felt as though she was the one on trial. It ended with her ex-boyfriend being convicted of one charge of physical assault. He was given a non-custodial sentence and was found not guilty in relation to other charges.
When Coutts-Trotter found out the verdict, she crawled into bed, joined by her parents, and cried for a really long-time, she said.
Plibersek explained that before entering politics, she had worked in the domestic violence sector but it was still difficult for her to pick up on the early signs that her daughter was in an abusive relationship. It was the same for Anna’s father, Michael Coutts-Trotter, who was the head of the NSW Department of Communities and Justice at the time.
Experiencing the court system from the side of a complainant, Michael Coutts-Trotter said it didn’t feel fair. While he understood why it is the way it is, he said: “the insights you get from travelling through the justice system with someone you love is different … It feels like it’s not a fair fight”.
Plibersek also said she was shocked that there were still questions about what Anna had been wearing and whether she had drunk alcohol.
“I think it’s really important to hear all of these stories, including Anna’s because it humanises the statistics … I really hope it helps us to ask the question, ‘Why do so many men use violence?'” Plibersek said.
If you or someone you know is experiencing, or at risk of experiencing, domestic, family or sexual violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au for online chat and video call services.
If you are concerned about your behaviour or use of violence, you can contact the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491 or visit http://www.ntv.org.au.