After a decade–long silence, Monica Lewinsky has made her first ever public speech, to announce her campaign to end cyber bullying and the culture of internet shaming.
Speaking at the Forbes 30 Under 30 Summit, Lewinsky discussed her life since the 1998 sex scandal with Bill Clinton, and the aftermath of the public humiliation, deep sense of shame and suicidal thoughts that followed. “I was patient Zero”, said Lewinsky, “the first person to have their reputation completely destroyed, worldwide via the Internet.”
Lewinsky’s speech is a reminder to all of us that the Internet is a scary place. A place where a story, video or photo can go viral and worldwide in a matter of hours. A place where peoples opinions, thoughts and feelings can be anonymously spread far and wide with the click of a button. This is exactly what Lewinsky experienced when the details of her affair became public knowledge online
“There was no Facebook, Twitter or Instagam back then. But there were gossip, news and entertainment websites replete with comment sections and emails that could be forwarded,” she explained.
With children as young as primary school age using a variety of social media, cyber bullying has become an increasingly pertinent and difficult issue to deal with. Lewinsky reminds us that cyber bullying can affect anyone at anytime, and is calling for a ‘cultural revolution’ to curb the occurrence of public shaming and humiliation.
Here’s what Monica wants you to know:
“The experience of shame and humiliation online, is different than offline. There is no way to wrap your mind around where the humiliation ends – there are no borders. It honestly feels like the whole world is laughing at you – I know. I lived it”
During her emotional speech, Lewinsky invites us to join her in a flashback to September 11, 1998 – the day when the Starr Report (a report detailing the intimate details of the affair with Clinton) was released online. Visibly upset, she explains that she spent the day shouting at her laptop, “oh my god!” and “that is so out of context”, and repeating the relentless mantra in her head ‘I want to die’.
This shame and humiliation she felt as the intimate details of her life were released into the public were amplified with the knowledge that thousands of strangers were also reading that report – this is the difference between online and offline humiliation- the fact that it can be spread to an infinite audience; the idea that everyone is mocking you.
What we seem to forget when we see degrading and humiliating stories on the Internet, is that behind ever story is a person. We seem to forget how they must be feeling, because their name is simply a word on a screen. It takes a second to share a story, or comment a negative opinion. It is easy to along with the crowd and the dominant attitudes about a story, and due to anonymous nature of the Internet, it is easy to forget that you may be contributing to the hurt of another person. Monica is finally providing a voice to the countless negative reports on her that we have seen over the years, causing the world to question their original harmful opinions, and form a sense of empathy.
“Lets come back to 2014, we are all vulnerable to humiliation, private and public figures alike, I’m sure Jennifer Lawrence would agree with that, or any of the 90 000 people who’s private snap chat images were released last week during the ‘snappening’. The consequences can be devastating, and anyone can be next.”
Lewinsky warns us that ‘anyone can be next’ – anyone could be the next victim of public humiliation and shaming. Her reference to Jennifer Lawrence’s involvement with the nude photo scandal (where Lawrence and over 100 other female celebrities nude photos were stolen and published online) and the ‘snappening’ (where over 90 000 private photos were released to the public) is another scary reminder that nothing is safe or private any more. Everyone should have a right to privacy but of course, in this day and age, the inalienable human right to privacy has been a subject of international debate – with governments being able to track your every move on social media and Internet activity, and hackers being able to rifle through your personal files, Monica is right – anyone can be next.
Again, it only takes one click to share such stories or images. With the sharing of such private images comes the spread of shame, and is another form of cyber bullying. People are forgetting that this one click is a contribution to the culture of online humiliation, and forget that the consequences could be destructive.
“Among young Facebook users close to 54% say they’ve been cyber bullied. College kids? – 1 in 5 report being victims of cyber bullied, 1 in 4 for young women.”
Cyber bullying can be defined as aggressive behavior toward another person that is performed through electronic means – that is, behavior performed on the Internet that is intended to psychologically and emotionally harm someone.
These statistics are extremely saddening – it is a reality check of the true epidemic that is cyber bullying. This form of bullying is such an issue amongst this demographic because they can remain unknown, and feel ‘strong’ and ‘invincible’ behind the computer screen.
There is also the issue of a pack mentality in this cyber bullying culture – no one wants to be the victim on the other end of the bullying, no one wants to be next, so people will side with the bully. This is what Monica means when she says ‘bystander apathy’ – no one wants to stand up for the victim in the fear of being the next target.
Moreover, the statistics for females being bullied is even more alarming. Studies show that girls are often more secretive in their bullying than boys, and like to bully in packs. They can therefore can do this by hiding behind a computer screen or a mobile phone.
The anonymity of social media harbors a platform for bullies who are too cowardly to harass people to their faces. The sooner this culture is eradicated, the better.
“The Clementi’s tragedy was four years ago. Quite sadly, the trend of being humiliated to death online has only continued. Of the cyber bullying related suicides in the last decade, 43% have occurred since Tyler sadly jumped from that bridge. And that’s not even including stats for last year.”
The trigger for Monica’s decision to speak out about cyber bullying came in 2010 when she read of the tragic suicide of 18-year-old Tyler Clementi. Clementi’s college roommate secretly recorded him kissing another man in his dorm room, and streamed the footage via webcam online. Ridiculed and humiliated, Tyler jumped off the George Washington Bridge to his death. “The tragedy is one of the principle reasons I am standing up here today,” said Lewinsky.
The statistics that 43% of cyber bullying suicides have occurred in the last 4 years, is the most frightening of all – a reminder that cyber bullying can be lethal. Monica previously discusses that being publically separated from your truth ‘is one of the classic triggers of anxiety, depression and self-loathing’. She tells of how she came close to ‘disintegrating’.
Cyber bullying and public shaming can leave the victims feeling so isolated and depressed, that they feel there is no other way to escape it than to take their own life. Just because you are not physically hurting someone, the act of hurting someone online is just as damaging.
What we need is a radical change in attitudes – on the internet, mobile platforms an din the society of which they are apart. Actually, what we really need is a cultural revolution. Online we’ve got a compassion deficit – an empathy crisis – and something tells me that matters a lot more to most of us.
It is fantastic that Lewinsky is bringing light to these horrific statistics, showing the reality of how damaging cyber bullying can be. Using her personal experience as the first ever person to be cyber bullied, allows people to understand that there are real people behind the computer screens, real people with feelings. Hopefully Lewinsky’s speech will harbor a shift in the negative culture of social media and the occurrence of cyber bullying. The sooner this negative online mentality is stopped, the better.