Separation or divorce is an all-too-common experience, with the median marriage lasting just 13 years, leading people to understand the pain of a relationship ending.
Studies reveal that individuals who are separated or divorced are 2.5 times more likely to experience serious mental health issues compared to their married counterparts. Having personally navigated this challenging process, I know firsthand the intense feelings of sadness, anger, rejection, and fear that can profoundly affect our overall well-being.
Despite these daunting statistics, there is a path to recovery. My goal is to help women regain their sense of control and empowerment after a breakup, which inspired the creation of You After X. This period of emotional turmoil can be overwhelming, but with expertise in psychology and family law, combined with my personal journey, I’ve developed five essential self-promises. These promises are key to navigating separation in a healthy, sustainable manner and rebuilding a rewarding life.
The 24-hour rule
During a break-up, emotions can cloud judgment. A 24-hour pause allows the initial emotional surge to subside, enabling a measured response. For instance, if your ex sends a triggering message, step back, breathe, reflect, and consider your reply. This approach reduces conflict and fosters better communication, especially if you share children. Early in my separation, reacting impulsively often worsened situations. I learned to wait 24 hours before responding to emotionally charged events. This rule helped me process feelings and respond thoughtfully.
AV affirmations
Affirmations work on a subconscious level. Repeating and visualising positive statements about yourself helps internalise them. Over time, affirmations change thought patterns, building a stronger, more resilient mindset. Statements like “I am strong and capable” can counteract negative self-talk. Positive affirmations became my lifeline during dark moments. It’s easy to spiral negatively post-break-up, but affirmations shifted my mindset and focus back to myself.
Understanding control
During a break-up, feeling overwhelmed by a loss of control is common, and trying to influence your ex’s feelings or actions leads to frustration. Recognising you can only control your actions is so important, redirecting energy to where you can make a difference. Focus on responding in ways that support your wellbeing, like setting boundaries or seeking support. Understanding what I could and couldn’t control was a hard lesson. Focusing on my actions and responses brought empowerment and helped me focus on what I could influence.
Reflection (daily journaling)
Reflection is essential for healing. It helps process experiences, understand emotions, and gain insight into behaviour patterns. This self-awareness is crucial for personal growth. Regular reflection turns past experiences into valuable lessons for future choices. Reflecting on my past was painful but healing. Journaling my experiences helped me understand my growth and learn about myself. It’s a powerful tool for processing emotions and turning past challenges into future stepping stones.
Advice from professionals vs friends
During a break-up, turning to friends and family for support is natural, but they may not address all challenges without personal opinions clouding judgment. Professional guidance offers specialised knowledge and tools to navigate separation complexities. Whether it’s psychological support, financial advice, or legal expertise, professionals provide a safe space to explore your situation and develop coping strategies.
With the growing number of Australians seeking mental health support, professional guidance during post-separation is more essential than ever. In fact, according to ABS data around 3.4 million Australians aged 16–85 have consulted a health professional for mental health issues in the past year. At You After X, we provide a platform dedicated to empowering women to reinvent themselves after a break-up. Our POWERHOUSE method starts with five key self-promises, offering a roadmap for new journeys post-separation. Additionally, we provide a supportive community of women going through their own separation experience, regular webinars, access to important community resources and much more. Our mission is to help women transform their lives after separation with support and workable strategies.
Remember, the end of a relationship, while painful, can also signify the start of a new and better chapter. Your life doesn’t end here. By embracing these self-promises, you can navigate the early stages of separation with strength and clarity, paving the way for a brighter future.