Women face a host of challenges throughout their career, but caring for ageing parents is an unexpected one.
The women’s liberation movement opened the door to a huge growth of mothers in the workforce over the last few decades. But it’s care for ageing parents that is going to be the next big thing for career women – driven by the slow tsunami of an ageing population.
The availability of formal child care and after school care have enabled mothers to overcome barriers to pursuing a career. But just when the years of raising children are almost over, and the upper rungs of the corporate ladder are within sight, an often unexpected caring responsibility arrives: caring for ageing parents.
Elder care is an issue we all will face. Not everyone choses to have children, but everyone has parents. The number of elderly people needing care is not small. Those aged over 85 years (420,300 in 2012) are going to double in the next 20 years.
The ABS also says that 1 in 3 workers are caring for ageing parents, and that figure is growing, with 45% of workers anticipating taking on elder care responsibilities in the next five years.
Overwhelmingly, it is women who bear the cost of caring for their parents as they age.
The average person caring for a parent today is a woman in midlife. In order to care for her parents, many either leave the workforce or reduce their working hours. They pass up promotions, turn down opportunities and stop continuing their education. All of which reduce their current and future earnings and retirement benefits. Stress and worry are also known to take a significant toll on the health of family carers.
Rosanna Fay, the co-founder of a successful technology firm, recently bravely told her story of how caring for her parents during the last years of their lives left her “totally burned out”. (http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/09/how-caring-for-aging-parents-affects-a-career/279584/) Rosanna said she never fully considered the potential need to take care of her ageing parents! and at work is saw her being overlooked. “I felt irrelevant,” said Rosanna. “The slow creep of my parents ageing took an immeasurable toll. I had no energy. It was clear, I needed to move on.”
There’s lots of support and information for women about balancing child care and a career, but nothing about balancing caring for an ageing parent. People at work aren’t so understanding when it’s your parents needing care. It’s different to child care – because everything can change overnight and last for weeks at a time.
Taking care of our parents in their old age is what we expect “good” daughters and sons to do. But it is demanding and time consuming. Guilt plays a big role. We don’t think twice about using child care these days. So why are we reluctant to consider formal care for our parents?
People usually think that a nursing home is the only solution. But the option of home care is growing in popularity, not just because parents prefer to stay in their own homes, but also because the Federal Government is diverting large amounts of funds to support the growing home care industry.
Home care is provided by aged care support workers who visit the home and provide housekeeping, assistance with showering and transportation to medical appointments and the like. Nearly all the services usually provided in a nursing home, can be provided at home. Surprisingly, the cost of home care is comparatively less expensive than residential care in a nursing home, because you are not paying for meals, accommodation and other overheads.
There are 7 factors to consider when sourcing care for your parent:
- The kind of care required – do they need help with personal care (i.e., showering and toileting), medication, meal preparation, cleaning, or mobility.
- Who is available and willing to give the support required? – If considering using family and/or friends they need to be honest with their availability and desire to provide care. If they are feeling pressured it may adversely impact on their relationships.
- How suitable are family and/or friends? – Some people may prefer if a non-family member assists with showering and toileting. If lifting is required, do family members know the correct method so as to not hurt themselves or the person receiving care?
- Financial resources – Are there financial resources available to engage the services of a professional agency? You could consider having a mixture of agency help and family carers.
- Backup carers – It is necessary to plan for contingencies such as a carer falling ill, going on holiday, or other issues which make them unavailable.
- Relationships with carers – When family/friends take on the role of a carer their relationship will change. Will this new role be detrimental to the relationship?
- What does your parent want? – Discuss the possible options with the person receiving the care. Would they prefer family or professional care providers to provide the home care?
As someone who has gone through this experience myself, I’ve got four tips: 1) accept your feelings – caring for your parent is rewarding but exhausting 2) don’t try to do it all yourself – ask your family, neighbours friends and others for help 3) Attend to your own needs – you’ve heard the saying “apply the oxygen mask to yourself first, if you get worn down you won’t be much help 4) Take advantage of assistance offered – there are many support groups for carers, and many not only offer counselling and information, but also respite services.