Late last year I arrived at an event where I bumped into journalist and broadcasterTracey Spicer. It was a black-tie dinner so we were all dressed up and as I kissed her hello I said “You look gorgeous!”
No sooner had I blurted out those words than I covered my mouth and apologised. It was my natural instinct to compliment her – she did look gorgeous – but I recoiled at myself for saying it.
She had recently caught world headlines for her TedX talk ‘The Lady Stripped Bare’ and her decision to scale back on make up, hair care and personal grooming.
“After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask,” she wrote.
She decided to embrace being “a woman without armour” and appeared in a Sunday magazine photo-shoot and went on television without her hair and make up being done. Her TedX talk has been viewed almost a million times so it’s fair to say her decision and message has resonated with plenty of women.
She was not offended at all by my compliment but we did talk about the fact my automatic reaction – to compliment her physical appearance – neatly illustrates part of the vexed equation regarding appearance and image. If we place emphasis on how we look – which many of us do – how can we expect others not to?
A few weeks ago Kevin Spacey was interviewed on the red carpet ahead of an awards ceremony in Los Angeles by a reporter for BuzzFeed. The questions peppered at him were as follows:
Who are you wearing?
What time did you wake up to start getting ready?
How long did you take to get ready?
Have you been dieting for months?
Are you wearing spanx?
What about a manicure and a pedicure?
Spacey became increasingly frustrated by the questions and why wouldn’t he? He’s a celebrated actor so how are any of these questions relevant? They’re not. But they’re always asked of female actresses and the same argument applies. How is their appearance linked to their job? The answer, currently, is inextricably.
The furore which has erupted over night in relation to Uma Thurman’s face – reminiscent of the speculation that Renee Zellweger faced last year – once again illustrates our obsession with a woman’s physical appearance.
If we viewed a woman’s appearance as just one aspect of her – rather than the defining feature – would this speculation exist?
The futility and intensity of the focus on a woman’s appearance was demonstrated quite sharply just a few days after Spacey faced the beauty line of questioning. Human rights lawyer Amal Clooney was set to appear before the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg when reporters asked: “Who are you wearing?”
She was wearing ceremonial robes as is customary for barristers appearing in court but the fact she was even asked is quite astonishing. She was entering a court room to argue a human rights case. How is her wardrobe even slightly relevant in that context?
It isn’t and I would say that is, more than anything else, the trouble with our fixation on a woman’s appearance. We do so regardless of context. We have lost perspective. It is only when we view, value and judge women through the prism of their external appearance that their appearance becomes all-consuming.
Wanting balance in that equation is not the same as saying how a person looks is irrelevant. It’s not irreconcilable with taking an interest in your own wardrobe or your appearance. It’s not even incompatible with complimenting another’s person outfit.
It’s about recognising that how a person looks is not everything; it’s just one thing.
Whilst there is undoubtedly pressure on men’s physical appearance, it seems they escape the burden of their appearance being construed as everything. It is possibly why Karl Stefanovic could wear the same suit on television for an entire year without anyone noticing.
With women, it seems, we’re not there yet. Perhaps that’s why Tracey Spicer’s move – not to render her appearance completely irrelevant but to pull back on the time and money she spends on her exterior – struck a chord with so many.
The same day that I ran into Tracey Spicer at dinner I heard Elizabeth Broderick speak at a lunch. (Meeting wonderful women is one of the many perks of editing Women’s Agenda). She shared some words of advice that I will seek to heed, with myself and my daughters. Elizabeth explained that more than anything she wants her daughter to understand that who she is, is far more important than how she looks.
It’s a big difference but it’s not hard to see why it gets lost. So with that in mind after complimenting Tracey on looking lovely I also complimented her on the brilliant work she does, her involvement in mentoring women in the media and the fact I find her honesty and humour genuinely inspiring.
How she looks is one thing, but what she does and who she is, is another thing altogether. And those things are worthy of more attention.