We’ve heard it countless times: the importance of saying ‘no’.
Yet, despite all the Instagram quotes, the books written, the TED Talks watched, and courses studied, plus the fact we know our plate is full to the brim as it is, we still struggle to implement this wisdom in our daily lives and find ourselves, against our better judgment, continually overcommitting.
“Sure,” we say, and as the words leave our mouths, we reluctantly add yet another burden to our already heavy load.
For many of us, the thought of saying ‘no’ can leave us with a sense of guilt. Are we letting people down if we don’t say yes? Will they think we don’t care? Might they think we are lazy? Just say yes, and I’ll work out the ‘how’ later.
But then, the calendar continues to overflow, and the mental to-do list pushes us closer to the breaking point. It’s a never-ending cycle that leaves us feeling drained, overwhelmed and resentful.
I personally have faced enormous challenges in my life, and if I hadn’t learned the power of saying ‘no,’ I wouldn’t be here today, nor would my business be flourishing successfully either.
In 2012, I founded Australia’s first and only occupational therapy franchise, ActivOT, all while balancing the responsibilities of single parenthood and navigating a near-death experience when my health took a turn for the worse. I had to get better at saying ‘no,’ and I did.
Saying ‘no’ without guilt has empowered me in both my personal and professional life; however, I didn’t just wake up one day with the confidence to say no. In my adult life, I surrounded myself with strong women who taught me and showed me how.
Over the years, I’ve compiled my own tips for learning how to say no. Here are eight practical tips to help you break free from the ‘yes’ cycle and reclaim control over your time and well-being:
Identify the root causes of your need to please
Spend some time reflecting on why you feel compelled to say “yes” so often and how this pattern has impacted your life. Once you are clear on the root cause, take a step back, zoom out and consider the long-term impacts of saying “yes” – what is saying “yes” all the time costing you?
Clarify your why
Before embarking on your journey to becoming a “no” expert, it’s essential to be clear on your “why.” Reflect on your values, goals, and aspirations, and recognise that by saying “yes” to everything, you risk diluting your focus and losing sight of what truly matters. Embracing the power of saying “no” enables you to protect your time and energy for the things that align with your purpose and make your heart sing.
Use the ‘tomorrow test’
When in doubt, use the “tomorrow test” to assess whether saying “yes” is really what you want. Consider how you’d feel if you had to do it tomorrow. Would you be excited or wish you had never said yes? This simple tool can provide valuable clarity and help you make informed decisions.
Outsource what doesn’t align
Recognise that you don’t have to do everything by yourself. One effective strategy for saying “no” is to delegate or outsource tasks that don’t require your unique skills or expertise. Do you have to do this, or could someone else? Confidently pass it on, knowing it will be completed efficiently and effectively. This frees up your time for activities that truly deserve your attention and passion.
Practise saying “No”
Just like any skill, saying “no” becomes easier with practice. Take the time to say it out loud to yourself, experimenting with different phrases that suit your style. Having a repertoire of ready-to-use responses ensures you won’t be caught off guard or pressured into commitments you’re uncomfortable with.
Here are a few examples to get you started:
- “That task will be completed more efficiently/effectively by [name or team].”
- “As much as I would love to help out, I have xyz priorities/commitments at the moment.”
- “Thank you for thinking of me. I am honoured to be asked, but I think this opportunity might be better suited to xyz instead.”
Buy yourself some time
If you find it challenging to say “no” in the moment, asking for some time to consider the request is perfectly acceptable. Politely explain that you need to check your schedule, evaluate your priorities, or simply take a moment to think about it. This approach allows you to gather your thoughts and respond in a thoughtful and authentic manner.
By asking for time and then delivering your response, you demonstrate respect for both yourself and the person making the request. You show that you have taken their inquiry seriously and given it due consideration, even if the ultimate answer is a “no.”
Reframe ‘no’
Contrary to popular belief, saying no is not a selfish act but rather an act of kindness—to ourselves and to others.
As women, we often find ourselves overwhelmed by the pressure to please everyone, but it’s time to break free from this cycle and prioritise our own needs. It’s time to recognise that we are enough and that saying “no” is essential for self-care and personal growth.
Embrace asking for assistance
Getting better at saying “no” also involves developing the courage to ask for support when needed. Instead of shouldering everything, reach out to others and invite them to contribute. People generally appreciate being asked. You’re also giving them the opportunity to openly say “no” if they’re not in a position to help. By creating a mutually supportive environment, you strengthen your relationships and foster a sense of collaboration.
Saying “no” is not about being unkind or shutting doors—it’s about setting healthy boundaries and prioritising what truly matters to you. By understanding your “why,” outsourcing non-essential tasks, practising assertiveness, and embracing collaboration, you can become more confident in saying “no” while maintaining warm and engaging relationships.