Since new social media laws passed the Australia parliament, my colleagues at Relationships Australia NSW and I have been inundated with questions from parents. The new legislation, which won’t take effect until the end of next year, bans teens aged under 16 from most social media platforms.
As we wait to hear more specifics (like what platforms might be allowed), families are navigating new terrain and working out what to do next.
I’ve heard mixed responses from parents – some are wholeheartedly embracing the restrictions, while others aren’t convinced and are dealing with children who feel outraged and upset.
Regardless of your position on the issue, change is coming, and families must work together to find a path forward.
How to talk with your children about the changes
Rather than waiting for the ban to start, I encourage you to have open conversations with your children now while the issue is already under social discussion. Putting off discussions or only partially engaging can actually fuel conflict, breed resentment and create further resistance against these rules.
When you chat with your kids, you could hold a ‘family meeting’ or bring it up over dinner. Lead with curiosity and ask them open-ended questions that seek their thoughts.
- What do you think is worrying the government and parents about social media?
- Does any of that make sense to you? What do you make of it all?
- What interests you about social media? What are you looking for?
- Have you ever seen anything that has worried, bothered or shocked you? (Note: if you have had this experience as a parent, you could talk about what it felt like for you.)
- How are your friends feeling about all this? How are other families you know discussing it?
- If this means less screen time, what is that going to mean for you? For the family?
If you have already been quite vocal about your position on the ban, then it’s a good idea to acknowledge this in your conversation – “I know I have said this… but now the legislation has passed, I really want to talk with you about how it might affect you”.
My child hasn’t reacted well to the news – what do I do?
While the ban aims to protect children’s mental and social wellbeing, many kids and some experts have highlighted the role social media plays in finding connection and community online.
If your child is upset and struggling, keep a close eye on this and keep the conversations flowing. They might be struggling with a key social pathway being taken away and are floundering about how to replace it. They might also be grappling with friends’ parents who are planning to ignore the ban and feeling resentful of being left out.
Rather than minimising their feelings, openly talk about it – “What are you finding tough? What’s the worst thing about this for you?”
If your young person depends on social media as a resource to manage a social or mental health problem, finding some realistic and meaningful alternatives is going to be critical. Starting the transition now rather than waiting for the deadline is in everyone’s best interests.
For instance, if they use social media to share stories with friends or family members, could you find safe, supervised alternatives for this such as Signal? Is online contact already second best to more direct contact with cousins or friends, for example? If so, can they more directly catch up? Are there in-person resources available through your local headspace or clubs that could be of use?
Embracing the changes as a family
The legislation might call out under 16-year-olds, but you can approach this as a team effort.
Instead of only focusing on getting your kids off devices, start thinking about your family culture and what role technology plays at home. Are devices always in use by everyone? Do you or other family members find themselves distracted by their phones?
Rather than simply restricting kids and teens, consider how you can support this change and have the whole family try new things.
Managing children with varying rules
If you have kids of different ages, there’s a good chance they might have also have new rules applying to them. Let’s say you have a 17- and 14-year-old, and both of them have been on social media for a couple of years.
If you support the ban, the 17-year-old could continue on, having had access to social media unencumbered throughout their teens. On the other hand, your 14-year-old will be taken off and might be a bit ticked that their sibling managed to dodge the ban by a couple of years!
For a lot of siblings, there is already a competitive dynamic between them and these changes might enflame it. Have a chat with your older children about how you’d appreciate them handling it – not being deliberately provocative, not lording it over the younger ones, or not undermining rules you have set.
I know a lot of parents – and children – are feeling daunted by the changes and feel uncertain about how it will actually play out. If it’s any consolation, everyone in this situation is new to this.
What I can confidently say is that having open and curious conversations with your children now will deepen your relationship, help you understand what they’re scared or nervous for, and form the foundations for these transparent and thoughtful discussions into the future.
Elisabeth Shaw is a clinical psychologist and CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, an independent not-for-profit organisation dedicated to enhancing relationships, mental health, and community connection.
If you are worried about your child, please reach out for help. At Relationships Australia NSW, we offer individual and adolescent family counselling to help parents and children share their thoughts in a safe, neutral space.
You could also try resources from headspace or ReachOut’s ‘Likes and Limits’ hub, or call the Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800.