Feeling like things are spiralling out of your control? Mel Robbins has some simple advice: stop wasting your time and energy on it.
The author and motivational speaker wants you to let other people do what they want, even if they aren’t matching your expectations. It’s a theory she details in her new book The Let Them Theory, which has sold 600,000 copies in its first two weeks.
“We’re living in a moment of time where people feel like there’s so much that’s out of their control, whether they’re feeling anxious, or they look at the headlines, or they’re worried about the economy or their job. And the message with the let them theory is that no matter what’s going on outside of you, the power is always inside of you,” she told Today recently.
“Two simple words ‘let them’ are the key to helping you to see what’s in your control, and what’s not in your control,” she says. “And I think that this is the message that is giving people power and peace and confidence at this exact moment.”
The premise of the book is essentially about stopping trying to manage other people’s actions. If your friends don’t invite you to dinner – let them, she says. If someone you’re interested in romantically doesn’t want to commit? Let them. If someone in business isn’t showing up how you need them to? Let them.
“Any time you feel stressed or annoyed or frustrated, just say ‘let them’ and you immediately feel your shoulders drop,” Robbins says.
“If you’re stressed out, if you’re tired, if you feel overwhelmed in life, if you feel like you’re last on your list, I got news for you. The problem isn’t you. The problem is all the power you give to other people and their drama and their issues in life, and you’re taking it on.
“And so when you say ‘let them’, you draw a boundary between yourself and somebody else’s mood, yourself and somebody else’s happiness.”
“Why this works is because it actually has roots in things that people have cared about for a long time—stoicism, the serenity, prayer, Buddhism, detachment theory, radical acceptance,” Robbins explained on Today.
“When you say, let them, you’re actually taking all of that power and wisdom, and applying it as a tool in modern life.”
Robbins also says there’s a second component to the theory, which revolves around the words ‘let me’.
“Let me remind myself that I always have power. Let me remind myself that my thoughts are in my control, my actions are in my control, how I process my feelings are in my control,” she said.
“Let me remind myself that no matter what’s happening out there, I get to choose what’s worth my time. I get to choose what’s worth my energy. I get to choose whether I leave this meeting or this relationship or this conversation.”
The let them theory is not the first motivational trend Robbins has brought into the mainstream. She’s perhaps most known for the ‘five-second rule’ which relates to the power of decision-making. Her TEDx Talk on the topic has been viewed more than 30 million times.