Speaking to her lived experience of grieving her mother, Allega Spender, the independent MP for Wentworth, co-hosted and gave a speech at a Motherless Daughters Breakfast in Parliament on Thursday.
Motherless Daughters Australia supports women, girls and families in navigating the emotional distress caused by the loss of their mothers.
Ahead of Mothers’ Day (14 May), which can be one of the most challenging days of the year, the Motherless Daughters Breakfast provided support to women during Motherloss Awareness Week, which runs 7-13 of May.
“I want to acknowledge those in the room, and around the country, who have lost their mothers – or those who support those that have done this. And more broadly, to those who are grieving and carrying a loss of someone they cared about,” said Spender at the event.
“This issue is a very live one for me.”
Around two years ago, Spender’s mother– well-known Australian fashion designer Carla Zampatti— unexpectedly hit her head and went into a coma after falling down some stairs. She died a week later.
“I had never had to deal with grief like that before. I wasn’t ready for how much it affected me, both immediately after she died, and to this day,” Spender said.
“There are many reasons why in theory I shouldn’t have found it as difficult. Mum had a long and wonderful life dying at 82, I wasn’t young when she died – I was 43.”
“But still it is hard – grief comes back at the most unlikely moments – like when I am walking through these corridors, or reading certain things.”
“She knew a lot of people and I still have people coming up to me telling me stories about her – which is so lovely, but can blindside you when you least expect it.”
With Mother’s Day coming up, Spender said she finds the day “strange” as she associates it less with being a mother herself and more with celebrating her own mother’s life.
“My reflection on this is that as a culture, we have forgotten at some level how to mourn, how to grieve. It is not something we talk about – but it is the people who have been through it before that provided the greatest solace,” she said.
Spender also noted that while “it’s not only mothers that we grieve for”, the particular mother-daughter relationship is “very defining” for many of us.
“So I wanted to thank Motherless Daughters for the support they provide people who have recently lost their mothers, and their advocacy on this issue.”
“I think it will have a positive impact both for daughters, but also help us to deal with grief and loss more broadly in our society.”