Last Friday, performer Tim Minchin shared some personal news with a crowd of hundreds of people at Sydney’s State Theatre. As he arrived on stage to perform an encore, he told the audience: “My mum died yesterday.”
Minchin explained that despite the sad news of his mother’s passing the day before, he had wanted to play the show. He went on to perform his famed hit White Wine in the Sun, a song known for its sentimental value with the lyrics: “I’ll be seeing my dad, my brother and sisters, my gran and my mum… they’ll be drinking white wine in the sun.”
Minchin then played a cover of Hallelujah, asking the audience to help him sing the song to close the show. It was a moment that was described by those in attendance as “incredibly moving” and a “beautiful experience”.
On Instagram, Minchin posted a tribute to his mother with a photo of her, and the caption: “So it goes”. The post has several comments from people who were moved by Minchin’s openness about the loss of his mother at the show.
One person wrote: “I was in the audience on Friday and the love in that room when you told us your sad news was palpable. So sorry for your loss Tim. My condolences to you and your family.. may your dear mum rest in peace.”
“Uttered those same words about my mom two weeks ago 💔” another person wrote.
“Drinking white wine is my ultimate Christmas song. Lost my Mum in 2021 and that speaks to me. Sending love 💗” said another.
“So sorry for your loss Tim. We were in the audience last night and it was incredibly moving and beautiful experience, despite the sadness. ❤️” another person wrote.
It’s clear from these comments that Minchin’s moment of emotional openness and vulnerability during his show was felt deeply by those who were there. A moment of connection that brought a room of hundreds of people together.
Former Liberal Party minister, Amanda Vanstone, didn’t agree, writing on social media that to her, grief should remain private.
“Losing a parent is hard. Whatever age and however expected. But to me it’s a private grief. Making it public seems to cheapen it, make it marketable,” she wrote.
However, the co-founder of Good Mourning, Sally Douglas, told Women’s Agenda that having honest conversations about grief, like Minchin did, is the key to normalising what is still often considered a taboo topic.
“Grief is often something we keep behind closed doors,” Douglas says. “Because we often feel awkward about talking about it, we don’t. Yet losing someone we love – like a parent – is a huge, life changing experience that is all consuming. And we ALL experience grief.”
“The power in coping with hard things, like grief, lies in talking openly and honestly about our vulnerabilities and experiences. Having honest conversations about this universal human experience is how we start to normalise what is a very natural part of life that still feels taboo.”
Douglas said she’s learnt through her work in this space that people often find comfort in hearing about the grief experienced by others.
“I’ve found, through the work we do at Good Mourning, that people appreciate hearing the experience of others – it helps us feel less alone. And grief can be lonely because we don’t talk about it,” she said.
Douglas went on to commend Minchin for sharing his experience publicly.
“Talking publicly about death and grief isn’t going to appeal to everyone – we all have different approaches to sharing our personal life. But I applaud Tim for sharing his experience so beautifully and vulnerably,” she said.
“Because the more open conversations we can have about grief, the more comfortable we’ll become as a society at talking about the inevitable and supporting ourselves and each other.”
Meanwhile, a spokesperson from The Man Cave told Women’s Agenda that the visibility of “healthy masculinity” and emotional openness like that displayed by Minchin has the potential to positively influence the behaviour of young men.
“After working with over 50,000 teenagers in Australian schools and online, we know that boys can’t be what they can’t see,” a spokesperson from the Man Cave said.
“The visibility of healthy masculinity like this in mainstream media creates role modelling, positively influences behaviours and attitudes and importantly gives permission for others to do the same.
“Whether in schools, communities, online or through the media, it’s vital for us to continue elevating positive male role models, providing tools and resources, and sharing stories such as this so that teenage boys can step into healthy masculinities.”