NFL fires Ray Rice, Fox News jokes about domestic violence and survivors share #WhyIstayed

As news broke regarding (now former) NFL Baltimore Ravens player Ray Rice punching his then finance, Janay Palmer, unconscious in an elevator, most people reacted with outrage.

Outrage that prior to footage of the incident being released by TMZ and going viral, the NFL chose only to suspend the player for two games back in July. And outrage that it was only after being put under renewed scrutiny that the NFL took appropriate action by indefinitely suspending the player. 

And then there’s this reaction from FOX News.

Now no one can accuse the panel over at Fox and Friends of having good taste, but the decision to hold an ill-advised discussion about a victim’s role in domestic abuse might just take the award for most idiotic panel ever. 

The footage of Rice knocking his partner out cold led to a conversation about other female celebrities who don’t break up with their partners after domestic violence incidents and why they send a terrible message to other women. 

But that’s not the only message the clip is sending apparently.

“I think the message is, take the stairs” host Brian Kilmeade said out loud, causing his co-hosts to chuckle along with his comment. 

“The message is, when you’re in an elevator, there’s a camera,” co-host Steve Doocey chimed in. 

Plenty of criticism followed the discussion and this morning the panel addressed that criticism with a 13-second non-apology assuring the audience they really did take domestic violence seriously.

“Comments that were made during this story made some feel like we are taking the situation too lightly. We are not, we were not. Domestic violence is a very serious issue to us, I can assure you.”

Meanwhile, women across twitter had messages to share themselves. As commentators continued to ask the alarmingly common question “why hasn’t she left him”, writer Beverly Gooden decided to speak up.

“I was watching the responses to the TMZ on my timeline, and I noticed a trend. People were asking ‘why did she marry him?’ and ‘why didn’t she leave him,'” Gooden told Mic.

“When I saw those tweets, my first reaction was shame. The same shame that I felt back when I was in a violent marriage. It’s a sort of guilt that would make me crawl into a shell and remain silent. But today, for a reason I can’t explain, I’d had enough. I knew I had an answer to everyone’s question of why victims of violence stay. I can’t speak for Janay Rice, I can only speak for me.”

The author shared her own experiences about staying in an abusive relationship through the hashtag #WhyIStayed in an effort to draw attention to the complexities of escaping domestic violence, and other women, (and some men) followed, sharing their own stories.

The thousands of subsequent tweets shared through #WhyIstayed and #WhyIleft give a powerful voice to the reality — and faces — of domestic violence.

I tried to leave the house once after an abusive episode, and he blocked me. He slept in front of the door that entire night. #WhyIStayed

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

I stayed because my pastor told me that God hates divorce. It didn't cross my mind that God might hate abuse, too. #WhyIStayed

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

He said he would change. He promised it was the last time. I believed him. He lied. #WhyIStayed

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

I had to plan my escape for months before I even had a place to go and money for the bus to get there. #WhyIStayed

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

I stayed because I thought love was enough to conquer all. #WhyIStayed

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

I stayed because I was halfway across the country, isolated from my friends and family. And there was no one to help me. #WhyIStayed

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

You think you know but you have no idea.

— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014

Follow the conversation on twitterand check out Mic’s 19 #WhyIStayed tweets that everyone needs to see.