With the recent launch of a dedicated trauma-informed women’s program, Wayside Chapel can open its doors to quadruple the number of women in urgent need of support. The new program also brings numerous support services under one roof that can otherwise take women months to arrange. Wayside’s Women’s Program Team Leader, Lana Mercer, shares how the service is already supporting women escaping domestic violence.
Content warning: This article will discuss domestic violence and physical abuse. Some readers might find the content below distressing or triggering.
The violence began long before Kate* met her partner CK*. Like so many women I meet at Wayside, Kate shows resilience, despite been saddled with a lifetime of pain and discrimination. In the media, we often fixate on the act of domestic violence itself, but in between those moments of physical abuse live survivorship and trauma. For Kate, this meant years of self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, while struggling with the signs of an undiagnosed mental illness, and the immediate needs of a complex housing situation.
Add this to the fact that Kate is a First Nations woman, who also faces racism and social inequity, not to mention is 11 times more likely to die from assault - and seeking help becomes far harder than for the average person.
It was when CK started carrying around a thick, iron bar, that Kate knew this wasn’t normal and she needed to escape. So began a series of discriminatory hurdles within the DV system. Kate’s mental health issues raised suspicion that she just ‘wanted a bed’ rather than a genuine need for assistance. Kate had to keep re-telling her whole life story to different people to prove she was in crisis, and re-traumatising herself in the process. She was eventually provided two nights in an unsupervised, unisex hotel where men could visit. CK got in and beat her in her room, and Kate was taken to emergency.
This is why it’s imperative that the moment a woman realises she might be able to access something better for herself, there needs to be services in the right place, and the door needs to be open. There’s only a small window of opportunity, and a woman might need to reach this point 12 to 15 times before she’s able to leave for the last time.
At a time when one woman is killed every week, and 10 women a day are hospitalised by a current or former partner, Wayside Chapel saw a life-changing opportunity to help women get the support they need. This year we’ve opened a trauma-informed safe space where people who identify as women can receive gender-specific support tailored to their individual experiences. At this service, there’s a kitchen, laundry facilities, shower and consultation room, co-located with the new Wayside Chapel Healthcare clinic. Specialised female care coordinators who understand the layers of disadvantage, are available to work on complex cases with referrals to other agencies including housing, welfare, addiction and legal support.
Providing a trauma-informed space for women in the community services sector is no easy feat. Many centres simply do not have enough physical space to separate the women from other visitors. You can be working with a woman who may be disclosing a deeply personal, harrowing story of abuse and simultaneously you can hear others on the other side of the door, yelling, laughing, or socialising, all of which can deepen the women’s sense that her voice is not heard, she is unworthy.
We’re also unique in that women have got this beautiful, quiet space to escape to, even if they haven’t left their partner, but are still in that contemplative stage. Whereas in other environments, somebody must have left that relationship completely before they can receive help.
In the past few years ‘trauma-informed’ has become a bit of a buzzword, but it can be a challenge to provide this; for trauma-informed care means being able to give a woman choice, something she may not have experienced for a long time. The choice of telling her story with the door open or closed, the choice to be able to take the time to tell her story, and the space to be able to de-brief, and regain her composure before re-entering the outside world, or attempting to complete the next life task. These seemingly small offerings lean into a trauma-informed model of care. In addition, women who come to Wayside Chapel are met with highly trained professionals who will always provide the appropriate response. Every woman worker in the space has an empathetic approach, but also the care coordination knowledge to provide an efficient response, whilst maintaining the women’s sense of dignity and self-determination.
When women like Kate have been in the vicious cycle of domestic violence, they can lose themselves. They’ve been overwhelmed by somebody else’s wants and needs, and all their choices have been taken away. They can’t hear themselves think. That is the nature of coercive control. But through the combination of care and skill, they may be able to feel ‘safe enough’ to begin to tune in to their own thoughts, emotions and needs well enough to begin their recovery journey.
In this field we talk a lot about ‘feeling safe’, but when a woman has endured unspeakable violence, it’s a big ask to expect her to feel safe. Many of our visitors have never felt safe in their entire life, their histories of inter-generational trauma are so deeply ingrained. Kate’s experience of constant danger meant she arrived at Wayside shaking with terror, so much she could barely hold a coffee cup. To feel ‘safe enough’, means there’s a tiny sliver where a woman is relaxed enough to be able to have a conversation with you. More importantly, she’s relaxed enough to tune into her own needs.
For some women this may take months of observing the space before they feel ready to venture into a consult room with a worker to tell their story and ask for help. For others it may mean entering the service in crisis mode, where through care and skill an immediate plan for safety and action to make her safe are enacted, either way there are many elements required to create a space where this can happen.
Kate eventually resumed her relationship with CK after he intimidated her outside the courthouse, but eight months later she came back requesting support, and we started the process over again. We will always be there for Kate, advocating for her, for however long it takes to see her through to the wellness and safety she so deeply desires. We’re ready to walk alongside her towards a life of peace, growth, and an opportunity to break the cycle of violence for herself and her children, a first step to ending generations of pain.
*Names changed to protect identities.
With your support, Wayside could open the door to 1200 more women who are ready to seek support and regain long-term stability in their lives. Donate today.
If the contents of this article have been confronting for you, support services are available:
1800RESPECT – 1800 737 732
Lifeline – 13 11 14