It seems that almost everywhere you look you can find firmly entrenched beliefs and behaviours that contribute to the messaging our children receive that ‘boys/men are to be treated differently from girls/women’.
A few weeks ago I shared this story with an audience at ASFA’s 2014 conference in Melbourne and a show of hands from the audience confirmed a majority had witnessed the same or similar situation in their children’s schools too.
The reason I share this again for Women’s Agenda is that we all perpetuate the bad behaviour by accepting it.
Turning a blind eye – not acting when we should – is a lame response by those of us who know the modelling described below is wrong for our children, but don’t do anything to change it.
Being a change agent requires courage and it is in us all, we just need to look for it.
Towards the end of 2012 I was at my son’s school attending a meeting between a dozen parents who assist in school communications and events and the Principal. It was my first time there so I was sitting quietly observing the protocol. On the agenda there was an item called ‘Feedback on Women’s Dinner and Secret Men’s Business Dinner’ – two fund-raising events that had occurred in the month prior.
The symbolism that women and men are valued differently went beyond the names of these two fund raising events. I learned at the meeting that day, that until the previous year the men’s event carried a ticket price that was twice as much as the women’s event and was fully catered, while the women were asked to pay less and ‘to bring a plate’.
I wondered, is this a reflection of the value school leaders placed on mothers, or is it that they believed the fathers wouldn’t not expect their wives to spend an equal amount on a night out as themselves? Either way, observing children were taking it all in.
Is it not time to step up in all our schools and communities to change these assumptions?
I had already conveyed my curiosity about the title of these events to the fund-raising executive a few months before. I highlighted that the design and branding of these events (which I understood dated back 5–10 years) were at odds with the current message that the school’s working parents from the city were getting from their company leaders and the ASX about gender role modelling and biased behaviour. I explained that marketing executives in the city would be less inclined to run segregated events as they send messages that would be unhelpful to achieving gender diversity.
When we reached this agenda item I had no intention of raising the matter again: I didn’t want to spoil the general euphoria the group was sharing about the success of these two fundraising events, or offend the people who had been involved in running them. However, I thought about my appeal to readers of my book to step up and to ‘speak up’ and decided I needed to take this opportunity to convey information and canvass opinion about the ongoing appropriateness of the events and their branding. I felt a little nervous at the likely reaction, but I felt I couldn’t come back to my desk that day to carry on writing this book if I wasn’t prepared to speak up.
I asked “Has anyone ever questioned the names of these events and what they convey to the children, or whether we should segregate the genders, or whether this is the right thing to do given that many of the working parents attending these events are responsible for removing gender bias and delivering gender targets to the ASX?”
Many of the mothers present were not working people so I got a mild reaction at first. So I restated the questions and provided a little insight into my research findings, which was news for most there. I explained what was happening in the business community and how stereotyping in schools and society reinforced outdated notions of both gender roles, which impacted on the industries and job types that attracted or repelled females, how long they stayed in careers and the kind of behaviour young males felt they needed to live up to.
I answered the objections and restated the facts and eventually, when presented with the information, about four of the dozen parents expressed an ‘aha’ moment and I could see a shift began to occur. Others conveyed later that day that a review was probably the right thing to do.
From time to time we need to question the traditions that once served us so well and that we treasure as being an important part of our culture. As circumstances around us change, the traditional way of doing things may no longer be relevant.
Change takes a while when you rely on influencing; but if we all take steps to influence others, that is a very good place to start. I am sure every one of you has these opportunities too. Perhaps you might look for one today.
Each and every one of us can help influence a shift in the assumptions and values of Australia. Each of us has the capacity to share the issues identified by this research with people in our own cultural groups. All we need to do is talk with them about the challenges we face and need for change. If everyone just takes one small step each – that’s 22.7 million steps towards a better future.
I know it is not always easy to start these conversations, but it is always possible.
*This is an edited extract from Pamela’s book Stepping Up