When I arrived in Australia from India at the age of 11, I didn’t know whether I fit into the Indian culture or Australian culture.
I spoke very good English, but I had a very heavy Indian accent. As a result of that, a couple of the kids at school made fun of me and called me all sorts of horrible names. It was the first time in my life I realised that I was different.
At the tender age of 11, all I wanted to do was to be able to leave my skin colour and my culture behind so that I could fit into my new country and culture.
Don’t give up what makes you you
One of the things I did was try to mask my Indian accent and put on an Australian accent. I tried not to speak Hindi with my family at home. In fact, I asked my family, much to their disappointment, not to speak to me in Hindi because I needed to improve my Australian accent. Nor were there many Indian families in our Australian country town. For a while, it became very important to me that I had more Australian (or Aussie, as we call it!) friends or spent time with people that had Australian accents. This was just one of the things that I did to try and fit in. During this period, I was still living what felt like a ‘double’ life. I was practising Indian cultural rituals while at the same time wanting to be an Aussie!
Every day, we would hold a prayer (or puja) in our house. When I had exams, my mum and dad would put a little black mark on me to prevent any evil thoughts or evil spirits coming towards me. I would try and hide it on my hair rather than my skin for the fear of not wanting to look like a weirdo. Every year we would celebrate ‘Rakhi’ (which is an Indian festival between a brother and a sister), ‘Diwali’ (which is the equivalent of the Indian Christmas also called the Festival of Lights) and ‘Holi’ (the festival of colour). We would celebrate so many other festivals too, like not eating eggs for nine days in the Navaratri.
Acknowledge the differences
Because I just wanted to be able to fit in and I didn’t want any Indian food cooked when my friends came around for a playdate or a birthday party, I used to try and hide that part of myself from others and, to be honest, from myself.
As I grew up past my teens and into my twenties, I realised that there are some parts of the Australian culture which I found very challenging and felt they were not aligned to my values. A lot of the kids I knew when I went to their house for a playdate yelled at their parents. Some even swore at their parents. And I thought that this was really disrespectful. Families seemed to be a lot more fragmented. And even though I sometimes longed for Aussie parents who would not control me, I realised there were some benefits to being taken care of by my family in their way.
I was also clear that I wanted to marry an Aussie. Someone not only who I loved but who would give me the freedom to be myself in my future. The standing joke in our family is that after many robust conversations with my mum, I ended up falling in love with and marrying an Australian. Over time, I have discovered that he loves everything Indian — in many ways, he is more Indian than me. He loves Indian culture. He is currently reading the Bhagavad Gita, which is the Indian holy book. My parents love him and treat him like their son. He jokes with me that whatever you resist, persists!
A nod to tradition
When I was pregnant with our daughter, my husband wanted to name her Shanti. And I remember saying to him that Shanti’s spelling and pronunciation is very close to my name, Shivani. I didn’t think that it was a great idea. Anyway, he’s a meditator and a yogi, as well as a HR director. And he really wanted to name her Shanti. So, our daughter is called Shanti, which means peace and is a 5000-year name. And when I was pregnant with our son, he said to me, ‘Wouldn’t it be beautiful to be able to call him Om?’ I thought to myself, ‘Who is this guy?’
Om Shanti is a very old chant that is recited today by hundreds of millions of people each day at the start or at the end of their yoga or meditation practice at the start of their day. I know this as I grew up doing it most days! And so came the names of our children — Om and Shanti. I have been asked many times if I am religious because people assume I named the kids. The kids joke that they’ve got an Indian dad and an Aussie mum, even though it is the other way around.
Celebrate our differences
We celebrate a number of festivals that are important to us. And now that we’ve been together for almost 20 years, we celebrate Rakhi and Diwali as well as the Australian festivals. There are parts of Australian culture we both love. We love celebrating our Christmas. We love celebrating the AFL Grand Final day with veggie sausage rolls (we are all vegetarian now!). What we have tried to do is take both our cultures and all the things we love about these cultures and blend them into one.
It took me a long time to honour my culture and my past.
But when I did, I became a more balanced person, a better partner and mum, and also a better business leader and owner. My culture and my past are now represented in all of my businesses. Part of their profits go towards educating girls in India and other developing countries. A picture of an Indian girl has been on my vision board for over a decade, and I share that with my management and leadership team. As a business leader and owner, you have that opportunity to honour the past, present and future of your people.
Edited extract from Getting Your People to Step Up (Wiley $32.95) by Shivani Gupta. Visit https://www.askshivani.com/