After reading a recent article published by The Weekend Australian titled ‘In this Systematic Battle of the Sexes, Everyone Loses’, I felt compelled to respond.
The wellbeing of our men and boys is bound up with that of women and girls. This isn’t a gender war. It’s a shared project – building a society where everyone can thrive.
As a mother and stepmother to three young men and grandmother of six boys – and also a mother, stepmother, foster mother and grandmother to the same number of women and girls – it is very clear to me that when boys and men struggle, everyone loses.
Why this isn’t a “war on men”
It’s tempting to frame social change as an attack. But what’s really happening is the slow unpicking of old scripts that confined men to stoicism and dominance and women to care and compliance.
Masculinity itself isn’t toxic. What’s toxic is denying men the full range of human expression. Courage and care, strength and empathy, ambition and kindness – these qualities aren’t opposites; they’re the foundations of healthy masculinity.
The facts tell a more complex story
Yes, boys are underperforming in literacy. In the 2022 PISA results, Australian boys scored 22 points lower than girls in reading – a pattern seen across OECD countries – while boys outperformed girls by 11 points in mathematics. But these are not signs of systemic hostility toward boys; they’re symptoms of systems failing to engage all children of where they most need support.
While women now make up roughly 58 per cent of university graduates, men still dominate the highest-paid fields and leadership roles. According to the Workplace Gender Equality Agency (WGEA) and the Australian Institute of Company Directors (AICD), only 19 per cent of Australian CEOs are women, and men hold about 63 per cent of ASX200 board seats. WGEA calculated the national gender pay gap at 21.8 per cent (mean total remuneration). This means for every dollar a man earns, a woman earns 78 cents on average, which adds up to a yearly difference of $28,425.
And yes, men face serious health inequities. Data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) in 2024 shows over three-quarters of all suicides are male. Safe Work Australia data shows men comprise 58 per cent of serious workplace injuries, and the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW) reports that 56 per cent of people experiencing homelessness on the ABS census night in 2021 were male. These are not feminist issues or men’s-rights issues – they are human issues demanding compassion and systemic action.
Listening to boys, not lecturing them
In a Guardian article that stopped me in my tracks, Year 11 student Josh Sargent described how he was “lured into the manosphere” – those toxic online spaces promising money, meaning and “real manhood.” What helped him escape wasn’t ridicule or punishment; it was hearing nuanced discussion that actually listened to boys like him.
That’s the lesson. When we label masculinity as inherently toxic, we leave a vacuum that others fill – often for profit.
Respect Victoria’s recent work on men and masculinities points the way forward. Their “What Kind of Man Do You Want to Be?” campaign invites reflection, not shame. Their Willing, Capable and Confident research shows that when men feel supported to reject the pressures of the so-called “Man Box,” they are less likely to use or excuse violence.
Most of the boys and young men in my life are kind, curious, funny and trying to do the right thing in a noisy, confusing world. They need – and deserve – role models who show that being a man can mean being strong and gentle, ambitious and ethical, confident and kind.
From battle to bridge
The idea of a “battle of the sexes” is corrosive. Every gain for women has the potential to unlock opportunity for men too. When we support flexible work so mothers can stay in the workforce, we also free fathers to parent more. When we dismantle stereotypes about care work, we open new, meaningful careers for men in health and education.
No one wins a gender war. We only win when we build bridges of respect, equality and connection – when young men feel heard, when women feel safe, and when both can share in power, purpose and care.