What would you do for your child? If you’re a mother, you’d probably answer without hesitation: Anything. You’d move mountains for them, protect them, love them fiercely.
Most mothers I know, or who I have supported, would say, “I want to give them a life that’s fulfilling, full of opportunity, and joy.”
But here’s something to think about for a moment: What if your child’s wellbeing depended on something harder than moving mountains? What if it depended on something that feels impossible to you, right now, like the ability to communicate with your ex? Or giving your child, or children, more time with them? Would you still say anything?
As Father’s Day approaches this year, many mothers, especially those who have left relationships filled with hurt, disrespect, or undignified treatment, are reminded of their pasts. It’s a time that brings up complex feelings about their children’s father, their current partner, or even their new family dynamics.
For some mothers, this Father’s Day is a silent struggle.
The truth is supporting your child’s relationship with their father, despite the challenges, is one of the most powerful acts of love you can give your child. It may be hard, it may not feel fair, but the impact of your sacrifice, though often unseen, is profound and lasting.
As a counsellor and founder of TFA Legal, Australia’s first practice to integrate emotional well-being with legal expertise, I work every day at the intersection of law and care, so I see both sides. I see the emotional wounds parents carry, and I see how the legal system interprets those same situations through a very different lens.
I get it.
That’s why it’s so important to understand both.
In Australia, family courts are focused on ensuring that both parents remain actively involved in their children’s lives post-separation, unless of course there is risk of harm.
Beyond immediate legal consequences, there are long-term emotional and developmental effects on the children caught in the middle. The Family Court prioritises a child’s right to have a relationship with both parents, unless of course there’s a genuine risk to their safety or well-being.
I know this world intimately. I founded TFA Legal because there are times when legal action isn’t just helpful, it’s imperative. Yet law alone cannot carry the emotional weight of family stories. That’s where a deeper kind of care becomes essential.
Why a connection with both parents matters
Children rely on safety and nurturing, and meaningful connection. Developmental research shows that children with secure attachments to both parents tend to exhibit better mental health, stronger emotional regulation, and more advanced language skills.
Parents (or primary caregivers) are usually the first and most consistent people in a child’s life. When parents respond with care and consistency, a child learns that the world is a safe place. That trust helps them explore, learn, and handle stress in more positive ways later.
If parents don’t provide that secure base, children may grow up feeling anxious, unsure, or disconnected.
As a parent, you set the emotional tone and build the foundation for a child’s whole future. Without that solid start, everything else gets harder.
Reinforcing positive traits: An important take away
Identity isn’t shaped by connection alone. It’s formed through the stories we tell ourselves and the narratives we share about our families. As adults, we understand the power of self-talk and confidence.
But have you ever considered the internal dialogue of your child, the stories they tell themselves about who they are, their worth, their value, and the importance of family?
Where does a mother or father’s role lie in helping shape the internal dialogue that a child or young person absorbs?
It’s painful to know that a child’s life can be deeply shaped by the stories they hear and the relationships they’re exposed to. When phrases like “Your father is a liar,” “He ruined my life,” or “He can’t provide” are spoken, especially if you’re raising a son, those words don’t just disappear. They filter through a child’s emotional world, quietly shaping their sense of self, their understanding of love, and even their identity. And unfortunately, they may begin to take on these traits, both consciously and unconsciously, influencing how they see themselves.
So, how can we ensure that children develop positive traits, not just because it feels good, but because these traits are essential for healthy development, memory formation, and emotional growth?
Children’s developing identities are influenced by their understanding of both themselves and the people around them. Even when you don’t notice, a child is absorbing the values, beliefs, and experiences around them.
When a mother says to her child, “You’re thoughtful like your dad,” or “You’re brave like your mum,” she’s doing more than making a passing comment, she’s engaging in her child’s identity and development.
Saying things like, “Your dad was always good at music, just like you,” or “He was incredibly organised, and I see that in you too,” gives children a thread of connection that supports their growing identity and emotional resilience.
These words help children build a balanced and grounded sense of self, not a divided picture. It’s about helping a child understand themselves more fully.
When safety must come first
Of course, not all relationships can or should continue, especially when violence, abuse, or coercive control is involved. In those situations, safety must be the priority. But even then, identity formation doesn’t stop. Professionally, I help mothers set appropriate boundaries while affirming their children’s sense of belonging and self-worth.
What’s maddening is how our systems sometimes penalise mothers who are already victims. If they advocate for their children’s safety, or their own, they risk being labelled obstructive. It’s the emotional paradox of motherhood under family law: rewarding connection yet punishing protection.
In these important and sensitive situations, I strongly advocate seeking professional help to fill in the gaps where your knowledge or experience may fall short.
A final note
This Father’s Day, I honour the mothers whose quiet and unseen courage sustains families.
The mothers who pick up the phone when it’s the last thing they want to do. The mothers who are tasked with dropping their children off to their ex-partners, knowing how hard it is, especially after years of undignified treatment or a loss of identity with the man who shares their child.
I’m not holding back. Because I’ve been there. And it hurts.
But this is one thing you can secure for your child or children’s future, not as a compromise to your mental health, but as a gift to your next chapter. The chapter that moves beyond grieving for your past life, your past traditions, and your former family structure. A chapter that opens to new beginnings.
Whether you’re a mother supporting a co‑parenting relationship, or maintaining safety through distance, this Father’s Day is also for you.