From puberty and pregnancy to mental health and menopause, we’re getting better at understanding and preparing for significant life stages. Yet, death remains the final taboo.
In Australia (and most western countries) we’ve created a death-denying culture, largely unwilling to talk about, or plan for the last stage of life. This refusal to discuss death means that far too many people don’t experience the dignified, compassionate death they want, and deserve, while their families, overwhelmingly women, carry an enormous, unprepared, and unsupported burden.
Unfortunately, this is one of our biggest societal issues. And it’s not going away.
Australia is on the cusp of a demographic shift that will redefine the fabric of our society. The ‘Silver Tsunami’ will see our population age at an unprecedented rate. Over the next 40 years, the 85+ age group will more than triple, creating an enormous demand for care and support. By 2032, this cohort will swell by 60,000 people annually, more than four times the current rate, a surge set to ripple through families, workplaces, and the broader economy.
Women, as the cornerstone of the sandwich generation, will be disproportionately affected by this shift. In their 30s to 60s, they are already stretched thin, juggling careers, raising children, and caring for elderly parents. This relentless balancing act exacts a heavy toll, destabilising finances, straining relationships, and limiting career progression.
For these women, the burden of unpaid care is not just personal—it’s systemic, unsupported, and unsustainable.
The squeeze is far from new for women. It’s simply shifted shape.
For decades, women have navigated the relentless juggle of careers, home lives, and childcare, often playing a high-stakes game of luck to secure quality, affordable care just to keep the wheels turning. Now, with the added weight of caring for ageing parents, the load has only intensified, stretching their time, energy, and finances to the brink. Yet, there is hope in precedent. The strides made in childcare reform, driven by the relentless advocacy of women, prove that systemic change is possible. As the sandwich generation faces this mounting pressure, similar reform is urgently needed to share the load and close the gap once more.
Urgent reform is needed to help Australian women and their families manage the demographic upheaval of the ‘Silver Tsunami’. We need to build on the incredible momentum of those lobbying for improved parental leave and superannuation benefits to advocate for societal and political policies that support caregiving through the last stage of life. Inaction will result in another generation of women being lumped with the practical, mental and emotional burdens of what is still considered ‘women’s work.’
Yet, I’ll admit, this issue might not have been so personal had my husband not died. Mauro was 41 when cancer took him just 15 months after his diagnosis. Suddenly, I was a single parent to three young children, running a business alone, and utterly unprepared. We had no plans, no will, and no idea how to navigate what was coming.
Then came the ‘sadmin’- the cold, relentless bureaucracy of death. Every step required me to present Mauro’s death certificate, reducing my deepest loss to a piece of paper for strangers to process. It was disheartening, draining, and left me wondering: why wasn’t there better support for this tender yet profoundly challenging life chapter?
Mauro’s death revealed how broken our systems are and how much easier these journeys could be with the right planning, preparation and support. Over the past decade, I’ve seen this struggle play out again and again in my own family: grandparents and great-grandparents living with dementia, shuttling between aged care and hospitals, and the overwhelming emotional toll it exacts on everyone involved.
Systemic and sustainable reform is needed. Urgently.
Two-thirds of caregivers are women, yet our systems fail to support them or the loved ones they care for. We need a policy framework and service ecosystem that empowers caregivers while ensuring those at the end of life have the experience they want. And deserve.
With 70 per cent of deaths being predictable, planning should be the norm. Yet our current tools, like Advance Care Plans, are riddled with jargon, are intimidating to navigate and are poorly implemented when they matter most. Unsurprisingly, only 14 per cent of Australians have one and far fewer would be considered ‘meaningful,’ leaving most unprepared for life’s final chapter.
This disconnect is devastating. While 70 per cent of people wish to die at home, surrounded by loved ones and supported by appropriate care, half of us will die in hospital, the place we least want to be. Already 25 per cent of hospital beds in the public system are occupied by people in the final stage of life; most would prefer to be cared for at home. If not addressed, this will increase and put substantially more pressure on our hospital systems. Reform is no longer optional; it is essential to honour the wishes of the dying and ease the burden on their caregivers.
With an ageing population and an election looming, the Silver Tsunami demands immediate attention and action. Governments must commit to tangible reforms, mirroring strides made in paid parental leave and superannuation for maternity leave, to better support the adult children caring for elderly parents in the years ahead.
Families, too, have a role to play. We must start having honest conversations about what matters most in the final stages of life. These aren’t one-time talks but ongoing discussions that adapt as priorities shift, helping to reduce the turmoil and trauma that often follow the loss of a loved one. This is where organisations such as Violet can help families talk about, plan for and manage the last stage of life. Violet offers free support, tools and resources to help people talk about and plan for the last stage of life at violet.org.au.
With the care sector and its workforce expected to double in the next 40 years, the future of care is shifting towards home-based support. This requires proper funding and support to alleviate the burdens that will predominantly fall on women.
The last stage of life isn’t just a medical issue; it’s a profoundly human one. It’s time to recognise its societal impact and prioritise the women who hold this system together.