You know the scariest part of my Halloween this year? Not the costumes. It was the lies being told by the women.
The real fright didn’t come from the ghouls and goblins lacing the neighbourhood fences, but from the tales spun by dedicated women trying to juggle their roles as superheroes in the workplace and at home, to meet their five years old’s excited expectations of joining the rest of their friends for after school trick or treating.
The real fright didn’t come from the ghouls and goblins lacing the neighborhood fences, but from the tales spun by dedicated women trying to juggle their roles as superheroes in the workplace and at home. And the superhero effort required to meet their five-year-old’s excited expectations of joining the rest of their friends for after-school trick-or-treating.
We met at 5pm.
The contributions to the pre-trick-or-treat picnic were tasty, though rushed: takeaway sushi, packets of chips, fruit (whole), and wine. There was no time for Pinterest-inspired pumpkin cupcakes; the accomplishment was merely being there at all.
As we began to unwind, the truth (and the lies) came out.
One woman, a single sip of her wine down, let out an exasperated sigh. “How did anyone start at 4pm? How did we even get here by 5pm?”
The responses shocked me. I felt unsettlingly privileged for a flexible and understanding workplace.
Woman two blamed a fictitious sick husband.
Woman three cited the kids needing her.
And woman four just hoped she’d slunk out unnoticed.
As we wandered the streets with our gang of 5-year-olds in tow, I couldn’t let it go.
As the women confessed, it wasn’t about laziness or disregard for responsibilities; behind these white lies was fear. These were dedicated, passionate women feeling the pressure of choosing between family and work, afraid that asking to leave early would stain their professional reputations and hinder their progress.
And that is where the real horror show begins.
It’s the gory reality that many women face: the burden of balancing work, family, under the authority of societal expectations. The ‘choosing’ is too hard and the cost too high. No parent wants their child to miss out on making those incredible memories, or to go to school the next day to hear about all the lollies and costumes. The ghost of parent guilt lingers near, a haunting and relentless whisper.
Women, already taking on the lion’s share of household and childcare duties, grapple with an unfair system. We face discrimination in the workplace, sacrificing promotions and leaving with less superannuation. And the pay gap means we do all this for less.
As if working and parenting weren’t enough, there’s the lingering truth of women not feeling they can bring their whole selves to work. This secrecy creates a chilling effect on workplace culture. It’s the difference between sharing pictures of a fun evening with the kids and pretending it never happened– an opportunity for connection lost.
And what if a woman chose to stay at work instead of attending the seemingly trivial Halloween event? Resentment, reduced productivity, feelings of failure as a mother – the consequences are a graveyard of negative impacts for women, the workplace, and the home.
The spookiest part? The assumption that women always have a choice. Society has a lot to answer for here. Whether partnered or single, the cost of balancing work and family remains unreasonably high. Is full-time work really a choice when the scales are unfairly tipped?
While some women choose to stay home, that doesn’t fit everyone. For those aiming for corporate success or finding fulfillment in their careers, staying home might be scarier than any ghost story.
So, it’s time to ditch the costumes and unmask the truth. It’s time to call out the inequality and unrealistic expectations. It’s time to create a world where women can excel in their careers without sacrificing their personal lives.
The payoff is there: loyalty, gratitude, retention, productivity.
This Halloween, the real horror story isn’t about monsters under the bed – it’s about the frightening truth women face every day. Let’s work together to rewrite this story and create a future where women don’t have to hide behind masks or fear the choice between their family and their career. This reality is too scary to hide.
Here are some ideas to help us start turning the page on this chilling tale:
Open conversations
Start by having an open conversation with the appropriate person in your workplace to explore options for flexibility. Discuss your needs and how they can be met within your role.
Partner involvement
Have an open conversation with your partner, if you have one. If both of you were to approach your workplaces for flexibility together, you would likely be asking for fewer adjustments individually.
Those who can leave loudly need to speak for those who can’t
If you’re in a position to do so, be vocal about your situation, needs, and choices. Leave loudly. Wear your costume proudly. Your voice can have a ripple effect, potentially influencing positive changes for others facing similar challenges.
Identify non-negotiables
Reflect on your needs. Consider what are the non-negotiables for you to feel balanced. Once you’ve identified these non-negotiables, it becomes easier to negotiate effectively and advocate for the changes that will improve your work-life balance.
Promote transparency around flexibility
We need to encourage workplaces to foster a culture of transparency around flexibility. Employers should understand that flexibility doesn’t reduce productivity but can enhance it. This could involve allowing flexible hours, remote work options, and understanding that family responsibilities will occasionally necessitate time away from work.
Create support networks within and outside the workplace
This can mean mentorship programs, parent groups, or even informal gatherings where women can share experiences and strategies without judgment. These networks can also serve to advocate for better policies and support systems in the workplace.
Advocate for policy changes that support work-life balance
Advocate for policy changes such as paid family leave, affordable childcare, and fair pay. Cultural change can be sparked by calling attention to the disparity and pushing for an environment where women do not feel the need to fabricate reasons for fulfilling family responsibilities. Encouraging both men and women to share domestic responsibilities can also alleviate the imbalance.
Who’s with me?