After years, even decades, of building a career, many women reach motherhood or midlife only to realise the work they once tolerated (or even enjoyed) no longer fits their life, values or identity. Yet the sunk-cost fallacy (I’ve invested too much to leave now) keeps them stuck.
As a career coach working with women, I see this daily. My own story mirrors theirs: a career in corporate marketing that looked great on paper but didn’t feel like me. Like many women I stayed far longer than I should have because I’d invested so much time, effort and identity into it.
What is the sunk cost fallacy?
Economists describe the sunk-cost fallacy as our tendency to continue investing in something simply because we’ve already invested a lot – even when walking away would be more rational. Classic research by Arkes & Blumer (1985) shows that once we commit time or effort to a cause of action, we’re far more likely to persist, even when it no longer serves us.
We experience this bias constantly – sticking with the slow supermarket queue or finishing a disappointing meal because “I paid for it.”
We even do it in relationships – staying close to a toxic friend simply because “we’ve known each other forever.”
In careers, sunk-cost thinking sounds like:
“I’ve worked too hard to quit now.”
“It would be foolish to start again.”
“I should be grateful – other people have it worse.”
Sometimes staying put is logical – waiting for long-service leave, vesting shares or needing stability during chaos.
But when staying is driven by fear – fear of waste, judgment or starting again, then another economic concept becomes relevant: opportunity cost.
The opportunity cost – and the signs you’re stuck
The longer you stay in a role that doesn’t fit, the more your confidence erodes. You tell yourself your skills won’t translate. You pass on opportunities because the timing “isn’t right” … and then they don’t come again.
Common signs of sunk-cost thinking include:
- Believing it’s “too late” to change.
- Staying because “it would look bad” to leave now.
- Waiting for the “right moment” … which never arrives.
- Fantasising about leaving, then immediately talking yourself out of it.
These aren’t signs of loyalty. They’re signs the opportunity cost is growing.
Why women fall into this trap more than men
Women aren’t indecisive – they’re conditioned. We’re raised to be dependable. To find “a good job” and hang onto it. We’re praised for being selfless. We choose the path that disrupts others the least.
Layer onto this:
- the motherhood penalty
- reduced mobility during caregiving years
- workplaces that reward loyalty over reinvention
- the pressure to show gratitude rather than ambition
… and you start to see why the sunk-cost fallacy hits women harder.
And endurance comes at a cost.
Years of pushing through misalignment drain your energy and sense of self. Many of the women I work with aren’t just stuck; they’re exhausted.
Research on burnout shows that one of its core drivers is a chronic mismatch between a person and their work. The longer women stay, the closer they edge towards burnout, not because they’re weak but because they’ve been strong for too long.
How to reframe the fear of change
Here’s what I tell the women I work with, and what I wish someone had told me years earlier:
1. Your skills and experience go with you
A career isn’t a slot machine where leaving means losing everything. If it doesn’t work out you can pivot again, but delaying only makes change harder.
2. You’re not starting again – you’re repurposing
Your skills will transfer. Using them in an aligned way often brings them back to life.
3. You are never too old to learn and grow
Some of the boldest career pivots I’ve seen come from women in their forties and fifties. Age brings clarity, courage and emotional intelligence – basically all the things you wished you’d had at 25.
4. Think about where you’ll be in five years
The time will pass either way. You can still be in a role that drains you, or you can use those years to build something that fits.
And here’s what women rarely consider: if you’re in your 40s and 50s, you likely have 20 years – maybe more – until retirement. That’s not “too late.” That’s decades of earning potential, superannuation growth and relevance. Staying in a role that shrinks you isn’t just emotionally draining; it has financial consequences. Reinvention at midlife isn’t reckless – it’s smart planning.
You haven’t wasted your past. You’ve outgrown it.
Walking away from a misaligned career isn’t failure – it’s strategy. It’s self-care. It’s choosing a future that fits who you are today, rather than something you built out of habit 20 years ago.
Sometimes it makes sense to stay. But often, the wiser move is to cut your losses and invest your time – and talent – elsewhere.
And if you catch yourself thinking “I’ve invested too much to quit,” try flipping it: “What is it costing me to say?”
That one shift can change everything.