Even uttering the word ‘harassment’ in an office guarantees you an eye roll… and not always from a man.
This week a flood of women who work in science, medicine and law have shared their experiences of sexual harassment at work. I have been shocked and elated by their stories. Shocked because these women have suffered sexual or gender-based harassment whilst at working in seemingly professional, well-respected fields. I’ve been elated too because these issues are finally coming to light.
Fairfax Media published an anonymous letter from one such woman. She has suffered ongoing sexual harassment for years, despite being a senior surgeon at a hospital. One line in particular stuck with me;
“Each time you…think I’m being a bit precious to take offence, you belittle me a little more…”
As a young professional working in a corporate environment in oil and gas, this is the label that I fear most of all. As a down-to-earth Aussie girl trying to compete in a male dominated industry, the only thing worse than being told to ‘toughen up princess’ is being labelled ‘precious’.
If a senior man in my office makes a comment about my smile, my clothes or my ‘catwalk-ready’ heels, and I call him on his inappropriateness, am I being precious? Perhaps the more relevant question is: am I being harassed?
Obviously this depends on many things – the intent of the comment, whether it was gender-based (I’m going to assume the heels comment was) but most importantly, whether it was unwanted and made me feel uncomfortable. These particular comments have all been said to me and regardless of how they were intended, all have made me uncomfortable. Why?
Why does receiving what others may perceive or intend as a compliment, leave me feeling embarrassed and belittled? If these comments came from a friend or an acquaintance outside the office, they would be compliments. In all likelihood I would meet them with nothing more than a simple ‘thank you’. But that is the point, isn’t it?
These comments did not come from a friend or acquaintance. They came from a senior colleague and they were made inside a corporate office. Neutral territory where I should be valued for the work that I produce and not how I look.
In my experience, it is uncomfortable to get comments like these at the office – from men or women. Firstly, they mean the person has been appraising you, not your work. And not just you – your body, your clothes, your personality. Things that should have nothing to do with your ability to do your job well.
These ‘harmless’ comments are usually said in front of others, leading to your colleagues (whom you hope associate you with adjectives like ‘smart, ambitious, enthusiastic’) judging you in terms of your attractiveness, perkiness or, heaven forbid, womanliness.
Nobody, male or female, comes to the office for comments on their body or clothes. Other than those relating to work or professional attitude, work is not the place for compliments.
Next time you roll your eyes at the women rejecting these ‘compliments’ at work, think about the message it is sending. Think about why it is her shoes or breasts or cooking – not your own or your male colleague’s – that are being commenting on.
I will finish with a story about a man in my office. He is older than me and certainly more senior, and every morning without fail he greets me with an enthusiastic “Good morning! Don’t you look lovely today?”
Why doesn’t this interaction fill me with feminist rage? Because I hear the same gentleman exclaim to my male colleagues when they enter the office, “Good morning! Isn’t that a marvellous tie you’ve got on today? You look very spiffy!”
Equal treatment for both genders – what a compliment.