How do you perfectly balance your career, family and manage to get the mundane household chores done?
Answer: You get a wife.
Journalist Annabel Crabb’s fourth book The Wife Drought was partially inspired by a bout of ‘wife envy’ after she had lunch with a former male colleague who’d recently gotten married and had a baby.
His life, by his own admission, had “all worked out well” because his wife quit her job so he was confident their child was “getting the best possible care”. He too, was being looked after, in the sense he could leave home in the morning and do a full and rewarding day’s work (including eating lunch in peace) all the while confident the chores of every day life such as waiting for the plumber or preparing dinner were being taken care of by his wife.
Last night in Sydney, fellow journalist Lisa Wilkinson spoke to Crabb about her book, which delves into the far greater issues of gender equality and how society needs to change to ensure life is better and fairer for both women and men.
“We don’t all get Margie Abbotts,” laughed Crabb as she and Wilkinson discussed the juggling act of having a career and family.
In fact it was Margie Abbott’s husband, Prime Minister Tony Abbott, who also helped sow the seed for the book. Many Australians were outraged when his government took office in 2013 and only one woman was appointed in the cabinet. Julie Bishop, like Australia’s first female Prime Minister Julia Gillard, doesn’t have children.
Women in parliament who do, like Tanya Plibersek and former Attorney-General Nicola Roxon, are constantly asked how they manage – questions not posed to male politicians with kids.
“There’s (almost) a child penalty for women in parliament,” Crabb told Wilkinson citing statistics which show male politicians on average have 2.1 kids while females have 1.1.
Crabb has done her homework. She cites off statistics about the gender pay gap and the percentage of mothers in the workforce as easily as she writes witty limericks on Twitter when politicians are in Question Time.
But there’s something different in her approach which separates her book from the “Lean In” type of feminism. Crabb also believes men are missing out.
In The Wife Drought she writes, “As long as we assume women are the only losers in this situation, nothing will change. Because the truth is that everybody loses in a system like this. Women who feel hard done by, men who feel trapped at work, children who don’t see enough of their fathers.”
“If men had more encouragement to take time off (when they become fathers) it could change things,” Crabb told Wilkinson and the audience last night.
Crabb defines a wife as the person – regardless of gender – who stays at home and does the mundane chores involved in running a house, as well as doing the majority of child rearing. Having a wife is an “economic privilege” yet it’s so common it’s rarely spoken about.
Census data shows 76% of full-time working fathers have a “wife” or stay-at-home spouse. Only 15% of full-time working mums have the same.
While many big corporations are paying lip service to flexible working conditions for both men and women, Crabb says senior management needs to lead by example to ensure no one misses out.
And it’s not just men who need to change their way of thinking. Crabb cited the “maternal gatekeeping” of parenting by some women which sees them hang onto traditional female roles rather than allowing their partner to help, further creating tension and anxiety for both partners.
Crabb also urges women to be more confident in speaking up for what they want in the workplace, be that flexibility or a pay rise.
There’s no doubt it will take time for The Wife Drought to become a flood. However things have certainly improved for women since Edith Cowan became the first woman elected to Parliament in 1921 and The Bulletin photographed her in a traditional female role washing the speaker’s box.
Yet more recently Julia Gillard was criticised for having an empty fruitbowl in her kitchen during a photo shoot. The same criticism was not handed out to male politicians who’ve appeared on her show Kitchen Cabinet and not been able to work out how to cut up a lettuce.
“An asymmetry of standards is unfair on both genders,” said Crabb.
“It’s permissible to say men are crap in the home. We would never be allowed to say the same about women in the workforce.”
Crabb hopes her book ends the gender war and instead allows honest, frank and raw dialogue about how we can all change. Perhaps then we may see the floodgates of equality open.