Over the years, I’ve been told many things about leadership. The least helpful guidance I’ve had…?
“You could go far if your hemlines were longer and you didn’t sound so much like a child.”
As I prepared to deliver a keynote recently for a national symposium on the future of health promotion, I decided to crowd source the worst and the best advice women in our sector have been given.
The responses simultaneously saddened and inspired me.
They revealed in stark clarity the structural barriers and unconscious biases that contribute to limiting leadership opportunities for women. But they also shone a light on the unique qualities women have that make them great leaders.
This is just a snapshot of the many comments that flooded my messages:
Worst advice
- “You just need to speak up more” is advice I’m given, often as men speak over me!
- “You need to toughen up if you want to lead.” It made me question my authentic approach and whether my empathy and relational style were valued in leadership settings.
- In my first executive role I was told multiple times to “lower my standards”. I was also told I needed to change my presentation/speaking style to match my (older, mostly male) colleagues.
- I was asked by my then CEO to be their proxy at a meeting of public health leaders. When round the room introductions were made, I was told by an older male leader that I was very welcome as I was “much better looking than my boss”.
- I delivered the AGM shareholder address at the Stock Exchange when a stockbroker came up to me afterwards and told me that I was “pretty smart for a chick.”
- As a professional in my early 20s I asked a Deputy CEO “can you give me some advice on study options?”. His reply was “Don’t bother, you’re just going to have children.”
Why do these words matter? Because they make credibility and competence assumptions around women based on their gender, their appearance and their parental status. Over time, this erodes confidence and entrenches damaging stereotypes.
It means women are less likely to be promoted and female staff are at greater risk of being unhappy at work or having to take leave.
It also leads to good people leaving workplaces where they don’t feel valued or see a clear path for career progression.
That is a huge loss of potential, particularly when you consider the growing body of research that shows when women are in positions of leadership, people, communities and nations do better.
We see this in examples like the COVID-19 pandemic, where countries with female leaders had lower death rates than those run by men. Or in India where the number of drinking water projects in areas with women-led councils is 62 per cent higher than in areas where men were in charge.
And yet, in Australia, only 19 per cent of CEOs are women, and the gender pay gap persists.
For every bad piece of advice received, there are also positive reflections that demonstrate the breadth of knowledge and wisdom among us, which was evident in the examples of best career advice women shared with me.
Best advice
- Follow your joy and use your leadership role to help others find their joy.
- Once you care about something bigger than yourself, you will always be a leader. No matter who you work for and whether you’re on the payroll or not. Because leadership is service, and by its nature, makes your career infinite.
- Be yourself. Your ability to connect deeply and lead with compassion is your strength – don’t change it. The best leaders make people feel seen, heard, and valued.
- It’s okay being a beginner/learning something new for the first time – those who try and try to learn more every day will get better at the skill and have a better chance at succeeding.
- Avoid the negativity and cynics. Cynicism is the opposite of courage. To be hopeful in the face of despair takes guts
These qualities which are so often dismissed as “soft skills” are actually great leadership strengths.
People shouldn’t have to act in ways that are traditionally referred to as ‘male qualities’ in order to get ahead.
We should trust our instincts, be ourselves, and be applauded for practicing a new brand of leadership that prioritises people.