When Sami Jenkins started her first job in marketing straight out of university, she felt grateful to have landed a role that was teaching her so much.
But after a short while, she began to feel isolated as she drifted apart from the network of friends she’d built at uni. This feeling intensified as Australians went into lockdown.
“I was so grateful for the job and was learning a lot, but I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to do with my life. It was quite an isolating time,” Sami, now aged 26, says.
“The big network of people I knew at uni had just dispersed. Then all of a sudden we were in lockdown and working at home.”
Sami says she felt obliged to stay in the job because she’d put so much effort into completing her university degree but the pressure of loneliness started to take its toll.
“I just wanted to feel like I was having a positive impact, and instead all I felt was this constant pressure to put my head down and work,” she says.
“I had a lot of people around me, but I don’t feel like I was really known. I really craved that feeling of being close to people and having connections in a real way.”
Sadly, Sami’s experience of loneliness and isolation isn’t an uncommon one, with the prevalence of loneliness among those aged 15-24 rising progressively since 2008.
According to the latest Medibank Loneliness Population Index, more than half of Australians feel lonely in a typical week.
The Medibank research also tells us that Australians who are classified as “young and free” and are yet to settle down with partners and children of their own, are the most at risk of loneliness. In the index, Australians cite loneliness as a top mental health issue, alongside depression and anxiety.
It’s an issue that’s in the spotlight as we mark Loneliness Awareness Week, with leading organisation Ending Loneliness Together working to encourage young people to build on small moments of connection.
The founding chair of Ending Loneliness Together and one of Australia’s leading voices on the issue, Dr Michelle Lim, has spent over two decades working on the front lines of mental health.
She says drilling down on the small moments of connection with others—a quick hello, an act of kindness or a funny story—can make a real impact for young people experiencing loneliness.
“You don’t need to have a new best friend to feel less lonely, I think you can concentrate on people you know and have, but also understand that you know that those moments of opportunity to connect, to generate conversation are really essential,” Dr Lim tells Women’s Agenda.
“Sometimes small talk seems meaningless, but actually, small talk is a way of understanding where someone else is at. Reflecting on your own capacity and your needs and your preferences is really important.”
Dr Lim says it’s not helpful to just stay silent in your loneliness.
“What’s not helpful is that we just stay silent. Remember that asking for connection and asking to have those meaningful connections is just part and parcel of being human,” Dr Lim says.
“So don’t feel bad. There’s nothing that is wrong with you. It’s about just being a human being and needing the connection.”
How loneliness is leading to poorer mental and physical health
While loneliness has long been associated with mental health problems like anxiety, emerging research is now connecting it to early signs of poor physical health in young adults.
A recent study led by PhD student Shradha Vasan and Dr Lim looked at the physiological impacts of loneliness in people with no existing chronic health conditions. They found that loneliness was linked to signs of vascular aging in participants as young as 22.
“Being lonely itself is stressing the heart,” Dr Lim says. “We found that loneliness is associated with physical health in young people.”
“A lot of my career has been really advocating not just for intervention but around prevention, because what we do know is that loneliness, for example, is now really establishing itself as an antecedent of other kinds of problems,” she explains.
“It’s not that simple to say to someone, ‘go and join a group’. That is terrifying if you have comorbid social anxiety, because you’re thinking ‘if I join the group, I’m going to get judged, I’m going to get humiliated, I’m going to be embarrassed. I don’t know what to say.”
Dr Lim says she became passionate about pursuing research on loneliness when she supported people living with chronic psychosis as a clinical psychologist. Despite receiving intensive care and support, many of her clients still expressed the same unmet need, she explains.
“They often complained about feeling lonely,” she says. “And no matter what I did, even as a care service provider, you’re not able to meet that need.”
“There’s something really broken about our care industry. What we fail to really understand is the importance of healthy, meaningful social connection in someone’s life and in improving their mental health, improving their quality of life.”
While clinical psychologists and governments often deal with the “pointy end” of loneliness, Dr Lim says there’s so much more that should be done in terms of prevention.
“We tend to work when it’s really bad, but actually… there’s so much work that we can do in the general community to prevent the onset of more prolonged loneliness,” Dr Lim says.
Dr Lim’s research has identified that high levels of social anxiety can lead to more loneliness, with the two acting as “partners in crime”.
“That’s why it’s important not to trivialise someone’s response. There are other kinds of neural pathways, psychological constructs, going on with someone who is lonely. It’s not as simple or straightforward as ‘go and join a group and you’ll be fine’,” Dr Lim says.
How the small moments make the biggest difference
For Sami Jenkins, posting about her struggle with loneliness online helped her to process her feelings and even led to building new connections. She now runs Wilty Meetups, where people of all backgrounds come together in Melbourne for small social gatherings.
“I have always struggled with my confidence so this has been a huge personal achievement,” she said.
“It always feels incredible to watch people making those connections and finding common ground.”
“From all the feedback and friends I have met over the years – loneliness is something which is so commonplace it’s not funny. Everyone has an experience of loneliness or disconnection and it’s so sad as it affects every aspect of life.
This year’s Loneliness Awareness Week’s theme ‘Moments Matter’ really resonates with Sami.
“We’ve all been told mental wellness means going to pilates or going to therapy constantly or breathwork – and it can be all of that,” she said.
“But, it can also be reflecting on things you are grateful for, calling a friend or sitting in the sun and touching some grass. The little things can have a really positive impact.”
To learn more about Medibank’s commitment to reducing loneliness head to We Are Lonely | Medibank.
Research commissioned by FiftyFive5 on behalf of Medibank. Research was conducted in July 2024, among a sample of (n=4,131) Australians.