How do others do this I wondered on Tuesday night. I wasn’t fixated on the loaded ‘having it all’ dilemma, instead my mind was firmly focused on a more practical, albeit similarly elusive, subject. Namely, sleep. How do other parents get their small children to sleep?
Before I explain exactly how my Tuesday night unravelled I will give you some context. One of the pillars of my personal parenting philosophy, possibly the only one, is that my optimum parenting hours take place between 7am and 7pm. Of course there are exceptions to this rule; illness and infants render those hours redundant. But once night-time feeds are no longer required and my offspring are in good health my expectation is that come 7pm I will clock off from active parenting until the next morning. To facilitate this we have a very well established bedtime routine that most of the time ensures this happens.
One of the reasons I like to clock off from active parenting at 7pm is to clock back on to the other elements of my life that are necessarily neglected during active parenting hours. Work, personal administration, cooking dinner, getting clothes ready for the next morning, hanging out the washing that’s been in the machine for two days, RSVPing to the invitation you received weeks ago. I’m sure you know the drill.
On Tuesday evening I was even more eager than usual for my 7pm clock-off. My youngest daughter had refused her daytime nap so with the exception of a 20 minute doze in the car she hadn’t slept all day. In a girl of her size this is a tried and tested recipe for an exhausted child and mother. As bedtime approached we followed the normal routine but she departed, quite loudly, from the playbook the moment I tucked her into her cot.
I began experimenting with a little yoyo number, which consisted of a lot of “shhing” and every five minutes going in and saying very clearly “Lie down. It’s bedtime. Goodnight”. Firm but gentle, was my aim and I was determined I would win this battle. She was furious with my attempts but would in fact lie down each time I implored her to do that. The minute I even thought about exiting her room however she would bolt back up and make her unhappiness heard. All over Sydney. (I should say that, miraculously, our four year old was asleep despite this game and I was the only parent at home.)
After about 30 minutes of this yoyo exercise, quiet finally descended and I assumed I had won so I set about getting some dinner ready. I placed a saucepan of water on to boil, I opened up my laptop to get some work done and I flicked on 7.30. (Ok I also poured myself a glass of red wine).
Once the water was boiled I threw some pasta in the pan and no sooner had I done that, I realised my daughter had recommenced her protest. I gave the yoyo routine another half-hearted attempt but I was hungry and tired and thought I needed to break the circuit so despite recognising the inconsistency in my actions I got her up. I brought her out on the couch with me and after acting forlorn for about 15 seconds, she turned to me grinning like a Cheshire cat: “See Mummy it’s really not that hard to appease me!”
I sat with her for a few minutes before I suddenly remembered the pasta. Multitasking with all the drama! I jumped up to attend to the saucepan which was now charmingly encrusted with pasta and whilst I was in the kitchen, unbeknownst to me, my little friend took it upon herself to pay her older sister a visit. So now instead of having one daughter awake well past her bedtime, I had two, at which point I realised it was time to concede defeat.
My plans to get some work done had to be shelved, alongside any hope I had of enjoying some down time. I ended up eating my very over-cooked pasta on the couch, with Mrs Doubtfire on the tv, while two girls danced around the living room.
Of course once I summonsed the energy to re-attempt bedtime I had another battle on my hands. By 9.30pm I had won but I was shattered. As I reflected on the relative chaos my night had entailed I did wonder how other families handle this issue. Do other kids always just sleep like they’re meant to? I can’t help but hope it’s not just my daughters who like to mix things up and keep me on my toes.
How does bedtime work in your house? Does it complicate matters?