How to handle the colleague with two faces - Women's Agenda

How to handle the colleague with two faces

How do I professionally handle the colleague who bad mouths the boss to anyone who will listen, then sucks up to her all day. He is driving me crazy!

This is one of the worst types of colleagues in the office, and we have all experienced them. Bad mouthing anyone is off putting enough, but doing it to the boss, and then being the ‘office suck up’ at the same time is enough to make your ears bleed. I don’t blame you for being frustrated.

Other than locking him in the stationary cupboard, here are some strategies and considerations to help you stay sane.

  1. Don’t respond to the behavior. I am sure you are not the only person who has witnessed his appalling behaviour. When it comes to the negative talk about the boss, start to tune him out. He is clearly an attention seeker so ignoring him when he starts to trash talk is one of the easiest ways to deal with him. He needs to know that this behaviour is unacceptable to you and your coworkers. If you all collectively tune him out, he will have no one to listen to him and hopefully this will lessen or eliminate the behaviour. Shut him out so he has no one to hear his complaints and gossip and he’ll stop trying to voice them.
  2. Stand out for the right reasons. You might not want to suck up to your boss like he does (not recommended) but there are other ways to draw the attention to yourself and away from his brown nosing. Take on projects that play to your strengths. Highlight the great work of your other teammates. Shine a light on your own skills. Divert the attention so he has less space to suck up in.
  3. Make your boss look good. I used to have an amazing second in charge. She was exceptionally effective, and one day I heard her coaching a junior colleague saying, ‘Your job is to make your boss look good’. Not your only job of course, but like it or not, it is a key one. Make your boss look good through your substantive contributions, not by trying to make her like you as your colleague does. Take on a big problem and get it off her desk. Contribute so that she achieves her objectives and in turn you will too.
  4. If all else fails, stage an intervention. If the bad mouthing doesn’t decrease from the freezing out, or if the sucking up is done to make others look bad or becomes malicious, then consider staging a group intervention. Gather your colleagues together and let him know that you are all sick of his behaviour and that if it doesn’t stop, you will go to your boss as a group and deal with it that way. This may be the only way of cutting through if it gets so bad that it is untenable.

Being liked by the boss is a good thing, often reflecting a positive working relationship. But work is not a popularity contest and being liked – which is the primary motivation of people who suck up – is usually not a substitute for competence (if it is, perhaps it’s time to look for a new team and manager).

Focus on tuning this guy out, and play your own game. In my experience, water finds its own level, meaning that he will come undone in his own way, in his own time. And if he doesn’t, perhaps as I suggest above, you can give him a little help.

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