Guilt is clever and sneaky. It has a way of showing up when you least want to it; even when you think you have it measured, it can hide away in the dark recesses of your mind biding its time.
And then there is Judgement, Guilt’s partner in crime. Like a wrestling tag team, Guilt and Judgement can work you over a treat – until you doubt your choices, second guess your decisions and the destructive self-talk flicks to auto-play.
The judgement that comes your way for your life choices can be endless. If you work as well as being a mum, you might judge yourself and others might judge you. If you
stay at home with your kids, if you work part time, if you work full time, you might judge yourself and others might judge you. You might be judged as being amazing for doing it all or as being a machine for the same reason. With guilt and judgement you are often damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
So let’s address it once and for all.
- Take Control – Do not surround yourself with people who judge you and who make you feel guilty about your decisions. You have a choice here – surround yourself with people who support you and want to enjoy your success.
- Fight Back – Often those who judge us are those who are closest to us; the ones who we want to be the most supportive, who we don’t necessarily want to cut off. When criticism comes your way from those you love most, be armed with a response that will leave you feeling empowered rather than crushed. For example, “Mum, I am doing a great job and I want you on my side!”
- Stop – Destructive self-talk is another beast all together. Every time you hear that seductive little voice whispering words of guilt or judgement in your ear, or tugging longingly at your heart strings, or crushing your spirit, or raising your levels of stress, or every time you catch a sideways look in your direction, pursed lips of disapproval or open criticism about the choices you make, just pause and breathe. Then tell yourself to STOP listening to THAT voice. You can’t necessarily stop other people judging you, but you can stop judging yourself.
- Bite Your Tongue – For those of you who may be guilty of passing a little judgement on others from, it’s time to lighten up. Stop judging your daughters, your friends, your sisters and your colleagues. If you can’t stop, then at least spend a little time in the room of mirrors before you are tempted to criticise. Ask yourself: Am I really so perfect that I am in a position to make another woman feel guilty about her life choices?
There will always be naysayers to every decision you make but it’s not their life. It’s yours. And it’s worth trying to live without guilt or judgement. Imagine what you could achieve if you ridded your life of both?