So you’re sitting in a cafe drinking the worst coffee of your life, eating an over-priced and overrated sandwich, vowing to never, ever, step foot in the place again.
And yet when the waiter comes around to collect your plate and asks how it was you perk up, smile and reply, “Great, really good. Thanks.”
You wouldn’t be the first person to offer the polite response. There’s a reason why that cafe’s coffee is still terrible, the sandwiches still overpriced and the menu still over-promising on what it can’t deliver.
Sadly for the cafe owner, he or she may never know the real reason why their tables are empty because too many people have been unwilling, or afraid, to offer some honest feedback.
A member of your team, or perhaps even your direct manager, could be experiencing the same fate. The flaws that are holding them back from successfully fulfilling their career ambitions could be obvious to those around them but they may never know just what they are, or how they could go about fixing them, because nobody’s been willing to point them out.
Criticism can be a wonderful thing for the individual on the receiving end. You just need to know how to give it. The following six tips can help.
Make sure the negative feedback is about them, and not you
Having a disagreement with another individual, or not particularly getting along with them, is not a valid reason for offering criticism. So the first step to ever offering such advice is to stop and reflect on why you feel the need to offer such feedback in the first place. Is it really for their own good, or is it merely a means to deal with an issue you’re personally trying to deal with? Look deep into yourself and make sure the problem isn’t with you.
Forget ‘but I might hurt their feelings’
If you’re gentle, honest and considerate in your approach their feelings may still be hurt, but their ability to cope with such criticism could actually be strengthened. And if you can offer constructive advice that can genuinely improve their work, then their overall wellbeing will also be improved.
Develop trust
The most constructive criticism comes from those we trust. Developing such trust could be as simple as striking up a friendly conversation with the guy who owns the cafe before delivering the blow that his food isn’t so good, or as deep as having numerous, private conversations with an individual before really outlining to them just what you think they could do better. Those on the receiving end of criticism should believe you genuinely want to help and see them succeed, rather than think you personally enjoy dishing out the negative feedback.
Start with strengths before mentioning weaknesses
Again, this is all part of building the trust. Reminding the individual of their strengths will build up their confidence and reassure them that you’re there to help. With their strengths in mind, they’ll be on the front foot rather the defensive when you move on to sharing your criticism.
Empower the individual
Criticism should never come with the statement, ‘You should/must do X!’ Rather it should pose questions and get the individual thinking about alternate possibilities to their behaviour or how they work. Lines such as, ‘Have you thought about trying…’ And, ‘Would you consider developing your…’ can empower the individual to come up with their own plans for change.
Keep criticism private
This should be obvious but too many people get this wrong, ruining their chance at ever being able to build a trusting relationship with the individual they’re hoping to help. Never offer criticism in a public place, in front of customers or clients, or while colleagues or friends are around. The criticism is between you and the individual receiving it, no one else.
What’s your best tip for offering criticism or negative feedback? Share it below.