The never-ending mother's curse - Women's Agenda

The never-ending mother’s curse

When teenager Thomas Kelly was brutally and fatally hit in Sydney’s Kings Cross a year ago I was hit by the fear of god. My oldest son was exactly the same age and was studying for the same degree at the same university. He and his friends frequent the various bars at the Cross on any given night out. They are equally happy-go-lucky with the whole world ahead of them.

Since that fateful night, when my son and his friends were thankfully on a weekend trip away up the coast and not at Kings Cross, I haven’t been able to sleep until he arrives home safely from nights out with his mates. It’s a mother’s curse that never seems to end.

I always thought that getting them through the school years safely and healthily would be a huge relief. But there is always something next to worry about. A friend’s youngest child graduated high school last year. When I congratulated her on that parental achievement, she looked at me with war-weary eyes and said, “look I am just grateful that I got her through alive”.

There are so many reasons for parents of teenagers to be concerned. Here are just a handful:

  • Driving. It’s incredibly disconcerting to watch your child drive off alone for the very first time. So many variables could go wrong and see the endeavour end in tears. My 19-year-old has had his licence for almost two years and I still worry about him having an accident.
  • Drinking. Our culture and age-related laws encourage teenagers to go crazy with binge drinking when they turn 18. Thankfully my son had a few ugly experiences early on and is now quite measured with his alcohol intake. But that doesn’t stop me from worrying when he is out bar-hopping until the early hours of Sunday morning.
  • Dating. The television show Please Marry My Boy really appeals to me. It’s not the marriage part that appeals – my son is far too young for that. In a controlled environment the mother chooses the right partner for her son. We want our children to be happy and part of that process at this age is being with a partner who genuinely cares for them. This is a minefield.
  • Danger. I once watched a suspicious looking man watch my then three-year-old son a little too intently. Since then I have been the world’s most paranoid mother when it comes to stranger danger. Sure my boys are now teenagers and some of those fears have peeled away but new ones have replaced them. Whenever a teenager, anywhere in the world, gets into trouble or difficulty for a stupid or just plain naive decision I think that it could happen to one of my sons. I have actually counselled my son to never let anyone else pack his suitcase or agree to carry a bag through customs for someone else.
  • Drunken others. And so we come back to the Thomas Kelly tragedy and others who have been subjected to similar for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know that you can’t protect your children all of the time but if there was a way that I could prevent my boys from coming into contact ever with angry, alcohol-fueled others then I would make that happen.

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