We hear stories often of women being talked over around the board table, or simply feeling as though they are not being given the respect of a hearing even if they are able to get a word in.
The struggle is real.
I am a ‘lean in’kind of woman and yet I have had cause to consider different strategies in order to get my message heard on a number of occasions during my career.
In my early thirties, when I first encountered this phenomenon, it drove me crazy and I reacted instinctively. The feisty younger me would get wound up and explode with anger. It certainly would stop the men in their tracks and, stunned, they would stop talking, enabling me to fill the vacuum.
But although they were silent, they weren’t listening. And they didn’t act on any of my suggestions.
Fast forward a couple of decades and I have employed a strategy that gets me heard in a way that often carries my idea to the ultimate end of implementation. The thing is you really do need to leave your ego on another planet in order to achieve your desired outcome with this strategy.
I always focus on the person that the group is most likely to listen to and then spend one-on-one time convincing him of the merits of my idea. Depending on the individual personalities around the table, I will often ask the respected male to seed the idea on my behalf, but as if it were his own. If it’s a good enough idea, most men will be happy enough to go along with this. To date I have had great success in getting the outcome that I desired as a result of this strategy.
The benefit of this strategy is that you get what you want without a lot of the angst that comes with trying to have your say in a room full of men beating their chests.
The downside of this strategy is that you rarely get the credit for the idea, because the men around the table don’t know that it’s your idea – unless the respected man decides to ‘out’you. I was outed on one occasion and the momentary shock on their faces definitely turned to respect by the meeting’s end, so push for it if you can.
However, you can’t always hope to be outed for a personal win. More often than not you will need to be satisfied with a win for the team.
When you are at the stage of your career where you no longer have anything to prove, this strategy will be ideal. It works for me. But if you are at the beginning of your career and need to stand out, then you may need to bang your own drum occasionally like I used to do in order to get yourself noticed.
When there is more than one woman around the table…well that’s a different story. Women can work together to ensure that they are heard by asking the group to listen to what the other woman has to say. You don’t have to agree with the views of the other woman to want her to be fairly listened to.
(Note: This article becomes irrelevant when there is gender balance or if you are a female Chair. More of both please. )
