The week that we launched Women’s Agenda in August last year, a press release was emailed to the trade media heralding its arrival. Instead of clicking through to our new website the link in the release directed to a previous website that I launched, wedding website The Knot.
B & T magazine reported this as ironic. Meaning that the career-focused Women’s Agenda reader wouldn’t be interested in reading about weddings.
I was reminded of this while reading an article on the New Statesman website about a feminist’s guide to surviving a wedding. I have never understood the thinking that you can’t be a feminist and enjoy a wedding, especially your own. Feminism isn’t anti-men, it is pro-equality. My wedding celebrated the union of equals. Not sure why that shouldn’t be the same for most women living in a democracy.
The three key areas of a wedding that traditionally get misconstrued as anti-feminist are the vows, the dress and the speech.
The Vows
What is feared: bride as chattel
When I was married 20 years ago, my husband and I vowed to love and respect each other. Many couples write words for each other that are unique and meaningful. We didn’t bother with that but the actual wording was still quite important. I am not an “obey” kind of person. We were married in a Catholic Church by a priest who spent his days talking to prisoners at Long Bay Jail in NSW. He was suitably modernized as a result and determined that a message of equality was required.
The Dress
What is feared: the virgin bride
The traditional white dress may once have been a signal of purity but that boat sailed long before I was ever wed. These days it’s more of a signal that you are the bride. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that. Don’t overthink it. Feminism has far bigger fish to fry.
The Speech
What is feared: bride as subservient
Many brides choose not to speak at their wedding. Don’t be fooled into believing they do so due to tradition or because of their inequitable place in the relationship. Every weekend across the country, some women are exercising their choice not to speak while others are giving the speech of their lives. I chose to speak at my wedding but not every woman enjoys public speaking. Choice is, after all, a key tenet of feminism.
Do you agree that career-focused women should be allowed to enjoy a wedding too?