Mother’s Day has always been a heavy day for me since Mum passed.
I lost my beautiful Mum to stomach cancer when I was 20. She was diagnosed a year earlier so we knew for some time that it was coming, but nevertheless her passing sent me into shock. I was in constant disbelief that I found myself stuck in this never-ending nightmare. She was my everything, my safe place, my home. What are you meant to do when your home is suddenly gone?
I remember I was awake at dawn on the day after she passed. I remember thinking how wrong it was for the sun to rise – unscathed, as if nothing had happened, as if my whole world didn’t just plummet into darkness. Even now, I despise sunrises with a passion.
After the funeral, we had to return to our ‘normal’ lives. The only thing that motivated me to keep going was the thought that ‘Mum would have wanted you to live a full life – do it for her’.
Over the next decade or so, I had to learn to live my life without Mum by my side. I grieved alone and kept my grief to myself, as I did not believe anyone around me would understand my pain. I missed her and thought about her on every birthday, every holiday, every milestone… And every Mother’s Day.
Even though I have already spent many Mother’s Days without Mum, the lead-up to this day is still difficult. It is almost unbearable to see advertisements and images everywhere of women pictured with their mothers, smiling and doing things together.
In 2020, I came across a private group on Facebook called Motherless Daughters Australia (MDA). Out of curiosity, I clicked ‘Join’. Over the following months, I read many stories and posts by other women who have also lost their mothers – each of them had a unique story to share but at the core was the same grief and the same expression of love that could no longer be passed on. The sentiments and emotions they shared were so close to my heart, it was almost as if I had written them myself. I reached out and connected with them, and from there my grief was no longer something I experienced alone.
MDA is a not-for-profit organisation that aims to help women, girls and families navigate the emotional distress and lifelong impact caused by the loss of their mothers.
Since joining this community, I have found a place to not only share my grief but to experience it in an empowering and positive way. I have shared my own story about Mum through MDA, which the organisation kindly posted on their website on her birthday to help me honour her. It brings me so much comfort to know that there is a group of us out there, from all walks of life and with various backgrounds, who are going through the same thing in life and although we are united through heartbreaking circumstances, we can still connect with and support each other.
In previous years, I would have spent Mother’s Day quietly, usually by buying some flowers and visiting Mum’s grave to honour her. This year will be a little different as I am also attending MDA’s annual Pre Mother’s Day High Tea. I am looking forward to meeting the women in this amazing group and sharing our stories. I love that the focus of the event is not just to remember our mothers, but to celebrate ourselves, to acknowledge how strong we are and how far we have all come, and to celebrate our powerful and everlasting love for our mothers … all in time for Mother’s Day.
Motherless Daughters Australia is not for profit organisation that represents, informs, supports and connects women and girls whose mums have died, to help navigate the everyday and life’s key milestones. Their support can be accessed via their website, Facebook page, Online Peer Support Group and Instagram.