Hollywood has a way of reflecting some of our society’s worst patriarchal tendencies. The latest case in point: the overwhelming online hostility towards Andrew Garfield’s latest girlfriend, Dr Kate Tomas.
Dr Tomas is a self-described philosopher and professional expert in Mysticism and Catholic women mystics. For months, tabloids have weighed in with opinions caked in misogyny, calling her a ‘luxury witch’ and making cruel comparisons of her physical appearance to Garfield’s former girlfriends.
Photos of the pair emerged earlier this year. They are seen holding hands and generally appearing to be like any other normal-looking, hetro-couple. Yet all you need to do is read the comments section of a picture of them posted to any celebrity gossip site to see the repulsive levels of hatred and misogyny users of the internet seem to possess.
In fact, some people appear offended that Andrew Garfield, a so-called “A-list” actor, isn’t dating a working model or fellow Hollywood actor.
Over the weekend, the 42-year old spiritual mentor gave her first public interview with The Sunday Times, opening up about the “misogynistic nature” of the public’s reaction to her new relationship.
“It’s frustrating that no matter how accomplished or impactful a woman is, it’s always going to be more interesting if they are in a relationship with a man,” she said. “I don’t want to sit under anybody’s shadow.”
“Women are socialised to please others over their own safety,” she continued, showing the interviewer one of her several tattoos, which reads: “F*** politeness.”
“I’m absolutely never going to do that.”
Dr Tomas revealed many personal details about herself in the interview, including that she is now four times divorced, queer, neurodiverse, and believes in ethical non-monogamy. She also expressed her frustration over the paparazzi since she and Garfield, 40, began dating.
“They will take maybe 150 pictures, then they choose the four where you look worst,” she said, adding that tabloids have focused on criticising “how a woman looks” and “what [she] does for work.”
When asked about the tabloid reporters who are interrogating her neighbours about whether or not she is “a good person”, Dr Tomas replied: “I don’t care.”
In Hollywood, women must wrestle with the only currency that is prescribed as valuable— her youth and physical beauty.
One commenter recognised the judgements women face when dating a high profile celebrity when she weighed in on Garfield’s latest romantic partner: “When Andrew dates someone younger : “ew what’s with these men dating younger women?” “Yuck he’s dating a child.” When Andrew dates someone his age :” ew she looks much older ?” “Ew is that his mom ?” “Yuck is she transgender?” Andrew date who you like, the world will judge regardless.”
A tale as old as time in Hollywood
In 2022, Sharon Stone revealed that a man she dated ended their relationship because she refused to get Botox.
When Stone’s younger partner inquired about her Botox usage, he apparently told her: “It would probably be really good for your ego and mine if I did.”
“I saw him one more time after that and then he wasn’t interested in seeing me anymore,” Stone, 64, told Vogue. “If you don’t see me for more than that, you’ll please find your way to the exit.”
Stone is one of several women in Hollywood who have faced the wrath of society’s sexist double standards — that of dating a man younger than herself.
In the same year, when actor and director Olivia Wilde began dating Harry Styles, she was labeled as a “thirsty cougar” and “predator” — she was ten years older than her male partner.
In 2021, Megan Fox addressed criticism of her then-boyfriend, who was four years her junior, saying: “The fact that he’s four years younger than me, and people want to act like I’m dating a younger man. He’s 31, and I’m 35. Granted, he’s lived like he’s 19 his whole life, but he isn’t 19.”
“No one would blink twice if George Clooney was dating someone four years younger,” she continued. “Four years? Go f— yourself. We would have been in high school together. That’s so ridiculous that women are treated that way.”
Last year, Sienna Miller, 42, opened up about her relationship with her boyfriend, who is 14 years younger.
“I don’t think you can legislate on matters of the heart,” she told Vogue. “I certainly have never been able to.” Miller gave birth to their child earlier this year.