When Melbourne resident Revathi Shan found herself in an abusive relationship a few years ago, she knew exactly what was happening but felt powerless to escape the situation. When she did leave, she didn’t know why she always ended up back with her abuser.
“I would block him, to only, in my moments of weakness and desperation, unblock him and beg for him to just be good to me,” she explained. “He was like a drug – I needed him for any level of security or sense of worth due the ongoing abuse and narrative that I was worthless and no one else would want me.”
Shan soon realised that this was a common trauma bond — something she needed to break. Not long after, she decided she would help other people break that bond by creating The Blocker App — a program that focuses on prevention and early intervention; just one key in reducing the prevalence of domestic violence in our society.
We sat down with the app’s creator and asked her a few questions.
What made you want to start the app?
The app’s formation started when I was in an abusive relationship, fully aware of exactly what was happening to me, but feeling completely powerless to get myself out of my situation. I would leave, but somehow would always be drawn back in.
If I was in that situation, I knew there must be countless other women experiencing the same – given that one in four women in Australia report experiencing partner abuse, with countless others not knowing what they are experiencing is partner abuse. I knew what I needed to break the cycle in my head, but it didn’t exist as a tangible reality. So, I started to build it myself.
What would you like The Blocker App to give women?
The Blocker App was built to empower women, to be a tool to help give them back their power and control. Having time and space gave me back my ability to think clearly and see the big picture without my abuser’s influence, the app is designed to give that back to its users.
What were your greatest challenges in getting the app up and running?
I started working on the app when I was still in the abusive relationship but working on it after it ended was harder than I anticipated. I’ve only just finished my counselling/psychology, finally feel like myself, and am starting to get my energy and stamina back again.
This meant that I could only get work on the app done when I was mentally in a good place, and a large part of my app was user testing and research, which involved a-lot of talking to women, and reading their DV stories – this obviously was very emotionally draining and distressing and triggering of my own memories.
Another big challenge was it just being me. I was very fortunate to have guidance from my brilliant app developer, Zakk, but the actual doing, it was a lot for just me when I also had a full time job and was also doing side work in modelling and photography. I had the ideas of what I needed to happen, but all the little steps in between that I didn’t anticipate!
Lastly funding. Getting grants from the government to make it happen, it’s really hard, and there’s a science to it but I just haven’t quite figured it out yet. I know this app is going to do incredible things for people, but making sure the right people hear about it and support it to make it happen, that’s the hard part. $80k is a lot of money, and that is the current challenge, the only thing stopping this app from being completed.
What advice would you give to women experiencing what you went through, in terms of trying to leave an abusive partner?
I would say, never stop trying to leave, and lean on the people around you. While I was embarrassed, and felt annoying and stupid, my friends saved me.
Having them there to be my sounding board, to remind me that I wasn’t crazy, and to give me a different point of view, that prevented him from having complete control, from having no self esteem, and from being completely isolated. While I definitely lost some friends during this relationship, it showed me who my true friends were, and people who truly care will make the difference.
How are you trying to get more funding for the App?
I have applied for a handful of grants, but getting noticed from all the other submissions hasn’t been easy. It can be disheartening knowing what a difference this app could make but knowing that the right people aren’t seeing it.
That’s why while we’re looking for funding, word of mouth is even more important. We’re hoping someone who hears about the app and is passionate about what we’re doing will be amazing at grant applications, or know someone who is, or know someone who has the funds to contribute etc.
You can find out more about The Blocker App here.