Spending time alone is not a priority for everyone. For some, they’d rather fill quiet moments with noise and distraction, favouring company over solitude. But for others, quiet alone time is an important part of who they are. I fall into the latter camp.
I’ve always enjoyed my own company and the freedom that accompanies it. In my twenties I travelled on my own to Europe; a thrilling and liberating experience. I also spent a year living and working in Vancouver, arriving in a city in which I knew not a soul. It was as much a self-discovery journey as it was a physical one. During this year I spent more time on my own than ever before and I came to realise the importance of such alone time.
My need for solitude is often at odds with my love of people and social gatherings. I am a sociable person and often the last to leave a party, but I crave alone time. Since becoming a parent, I place a higher value on solitude and I fiercely guard and protect it. With three toddlers underfoot, finding space is virtually impossible so I must create it. I make it a priority and treat it with respect because I know just how vital it is for creativity, peace and contemplation.
Scheduling our lives may not be particularly exciting, but it’s essential to living a fulfilled life. We schedule our work lives, our kids’ extra curricular activities and even relationship experts extoll the benefits of scheduling regular dates nights. But how many of us schedule solitude?
The importance of restoration is rooted in our physiology. Human beings aren’t designed to expend energy continuously. Rather, we’re meant to fluctuate between spending and recovering energy.
Scheduling solitude is as important to me as scheduling the weekly meal plan and is infinitely more enjoyable than the latter. Being alone offers me the quiet space for reflection and self-exploration, something that is impossible to do in a crowd. I understand myself better in, and for, these quiet moments. I have found beauty in space, comfort in space and company in space. To be still in contemplation is to embrace who I am, and consider who I can become.
It’s where I separate the truth from the noise and the meaning from the immaterial. Modern life is hectic and solitude helps me to temper the chaos, dilute the pace and recalibrate. And quite frankly, it’s simply lovely. There’s a lot to love about connection, but great company can also be found in solitude.
Finding balance between socialising and solitude is crucial. Tip the scales too far towards socialising and I struggle to find peace. The result is often an anxious irritation; an inability to process or cope with challenges. And if the scales dip too far into solitude, boredom may set it, which can lead to loneliness.
Forming meaningful connections is one of life’s greatest blessings but I think the most meaningful connection needs to be with oneself. And solitude teaches you to find the companion within yourself.
I don’t feel the need to fill idle time – I welcome the solitude and I greet myself with kindness in these moments. Without any real conscious effort, vital emotions surface in quiet times. It allows me the space to decant my fears, insecurities and dreams.
If we don’t create space for alone time, we risk blocking inspiration and opportunities. If our energy is being directed elsewhere, we miss opportunities for growth. Preserving some of that energy and directing it within is essential for living on purpose.
Solitude allows my mind time to breathe. This respite helps me untangle the knots, percolate new ideas and reconnect with my values. I cherish the regenerative silence, and when I reconnect with the world afterwards, I am ready for the noise.
What does solitude do for you?