Recently I was told that I had made a decision “like a girl”, and it was wounding. The reality check came from another woman in the team who clearly thought I needed to harden up. In fact, she suggested it was time for me to “man up”.
The decision wasn’t a critical one but it did reveal a shortcoming in having a high emotional quotient. If you prioritise the needs and wants of others then you naturally push your own requirements to the back of the queue.
I was using language like “I don’t want to hurt their feelings”, “I am feeling guilty about not progressing that”, and “I would hate to disappoint”.
It was pointed out to me that a man wouldn’t give anyone else’s feelings a thought in reaching a decision. They would be more likely to choose the outcome that best suited them personally.
When not doing the deliberating, I am generally the person articulating the same rational message: do what suits you; think about your requirements first; they will get over it faster than you think. Of course it makes sense. I hear myself sharing that advice with my team a lot. But I find it easier to say than do.
This is what it takes to make emotion-neutral decisions:
- List all options. One of those options should also be to do nothing.
- Ensure that you have as much information as you require to make an informed decision. This is the part that can make all of the difference. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions upfront.
- Write down the pros and cons for each option. It’s most important to get down all of the cons. You can sway your decision by subconsciously limiting the number of cons for a decision that you are emotionally attracted to. So try to be honest. It will be beneficial in the long run.
- Weigh up all risks. One option may have more cons but the risk of them occurring may be small for example.
- Don’t feel guilty about the choice you make.
In business I have learned that the only way to make the right decision is to shut out the noise, close down the guilt and go through the decision-making process methodically. Whenever I have detoured from this path, I have found myself in emotional territory.
Have you ever been accused of emotional decision-making?