Most feelings are fleeting. Joy, anger, contentment – they pass through us quickly and we move on.
Shame is different. Shame lingers. It settles in the body, reshaping the way we see the world, and ourselves. In quieter moments, it can whisper corrosive questions: Why am I like this? What’s wrong with me? Why am I the only one who finds this hard? Am I a bad person? Am I a burden?
When people struggle to cut back or cut out drinking, shame is often a powerful force. It can be internalised, feeling like a personal failure. But it’s also reflected back to us in a culture that elevates alcohol to essential status then chides those who can’t turn off the tap.
From an early age we’re taught that joy, connection and belonging come in a glass. Alcohol is a key ingredient in every sporting triumph, career success, commiseration and commemoration.
Those who try to opt out can be branded ‘Un-Australian’ or faced with a barrage of alcohol advertising every time they turn on the TV, walk down a city street or open their phone.
In an environment deliberately designed to keep people drinking, why is alcohol dependence still seen as a character weakness?
Framing it as a result of poor choices, or lack of willpower, stigmatises a complex health condition. Dependence on alcohol does not discriminate. It can affect anyone. But it’s often linked to increased stress or anxiety, social isolation, or unresolved trauma or pain.
We all need support at various times in our life, either from loved ones or health professionals. People experiencing issues with alcohol are no different.
We’ve come a long way in understanding mental ill health. Stigma is slowly lifting and more people, particularly younger generations, feel safe to openly share their struggles without fear of judgement.
It’s a reflection of a society that is continuously evolving. Through greater education and the power of lived experience, we become more open and curious to the complexities of the human condition and the different ways people experience the world.
Yet when it comes to alcohol, there remains a reluctance to acknowledge the nuanced spectrum of addiction, instead we reach for simplistic explanations and moralising judgements.
In my work, I’ve spoken to many women and men who have held this shame close to their hearts. I see it in the way they carry themselves, their shoulders hunched, locked in a defensive crouch.
The most toxic element of shame is its ability to trick you into thinking it’s only you. This sense of isolation is compounded by the silence surrounding the stark realities of alcohol as a dangerous and addictive substance.
Shame tells people it’s their fault and that they are deserving of pain. It acts as a barrier to seeking out the one thing that could make a profound difference – a listening ear and human connection.
Those who have the courage to seek help should be applauded. It’s not a sign of failure, but one of great insight and strength.
And yet, when they do reach out for support, they are bombarded with ads to encourage them to keep drinking, and to drink ‘responsibly’. A statement that conveniently moves the duty of care away from the alcohol industry, and back on to the person who is struggling.
More Australians seek help for alcohol than for any other drug. Data from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare shows it accounts for two in five episodes of treatment – the highest rate in a decade.
The shame does not belong with them. It belongs to an unscrupulous industry that profits from the untold damage alcohol causes.
We know that about half a million Australians need support for alcohol or other drug issues, but fewer than 132,000 receive it.
This is where governments must act, with policy changes that reduce alcohol harm and give those trying to cut back or cut out the best chance of success.
We have to stop seeing alcohol dependence as a moral failing or a sign of weakness. The people I’ve met who live with addiction have been some of the strongest, most generous people I’ve ever encountered.
For many, the hardest part isn’t finding the strength to change, it’s doing so in an environment set up for them to falter. Shame thrives in silence. By having honest conversations about the root causes of alcohol harm we can remove stigma, hold industry to account, and meet dependence with compassion not condemnation.