First of all let’s just get it out there: we’ve all done it. Well most of us have anyway and those who say they haven’t should probably add “yet” to their statement.
Whether it’s a bit of a snivel in the toilet or lying on your boss’ office floor holding on to their feet full-on bawl, we tend to feel a bit ashamed and embarrassed by it.
Which is daft really. Because crying is just a part of who you are and the circumstances you are in. Normally we exit the room wiping our eyes and profusely apologising for our emotional outburst. And that’s the first thing we should stop doing: apologising. Unless you are crying because you’ve just been caught out doing something you shouldn’t, in which case fall on your knees and beg for mercy. So outside of that scenario what should you do?
1. Identify what triggers the tears. Is there a particular situation, person or stress overload point that starts you crying? Think about when it happens and what had been going on the days before. This might be nothing related to work so make sure you think about work and home. Maybe make a note and see when it happens again if there are any similarities between the two occasions you had to reach for the tissues. If its one person who sets you off then that suggests there is something about your relationship you need to look at. Are they pushing you too hard or wording things in an overly provocative way? Or sometimes its the opposite problem and they show you sympathy and that courses everything to bubble up. Either way if its an individual have a think about how you can handle the next encounter differently.
2. Preparation is the key. Plan 5 minutes before you see the person who sets you off or the situation that provokes tears, to get yourself prepared and mentally run through what they might say, or what moments might cause an outburst. If you feel yourself welling up, try saying, “Thanks for your comments. I’ve made a note now let’s move on.” That way you stay in control. The more times you manage to talk to the person or put yourself into your vulnerable situations and not cry the stronger you will feel and the easier it will get. Of course, in some cases what is really going on is bullying and then you are best looking to your company for support in dealing with the individual formally. Make sure you keep a written record of all your conversations. If you find its too much sympathy that triggers you then maybe suggest to the person to hold off the sympathy and focus on helping you deal with the cause of the problem.
3. Facts are your friend. If stress is your sniffle starter then you need to start to recognise the signs of stress and when you might be susceptible to an emotional release. For example, if the root cause is too much work and not enough time, then you need to face into that as a conversation and stay in control by listing out the facts of what you are doing versus the hours you have to do it in. If you structure a conversation on facts and figures rather than feelings, it is a great way to keep focused and have a balanced conversation that needs a proportionate response. Having a piece of paper with a set of bullet points on that you can refer to is a great way to keep you on track and better still keep the person you are talking to focused on it.
If all else fails remember it’s more common than you think for women to cry at work. What’s more, I’ve seen male bosses cry, so it’s not just women! And I promise it wasn’t because my work was so bad he was crying in frustration. Shrug your shoulders, wipe your eyes and chalk it up to just one of those days. As Scarlett O’Hara said in Gone With The Wind “Tomorrow is another day.” And keep a packet of tissues in the handbag just in case.