On the 28 October 2023, I was devastated to share a post about the senseless murder of Lilie James. A 21-year-old woman with her life ahead of her; daughter to Jamie and Peta and sister to Max. Her father James said she was ‘vibrant, outgoing and very much loved’. The outpouring on social media certainly confirms that. Nearly 130,000 impressions on the LinkedIn post I shared alone certainly suggests people care. We need to turn care into action.
Lilie was the 55th woman to be allegedly killed by current or former intimate partner violence in Australia this year. Days after the tally increased to 58 with six women being reported killed in 10 days including, too close to home, 34 year old family law barrister Alice McShera. The Law Society and Bar Association of Western Australia put out a statement about this latest death that rocked our profession:
The Law Society of Western Australia (Law Society) and the Western Australia Bar Association (Bar Association) are deeply saddened to learn of the death of Barrister and former Law Society member, Alice McShera at Crown Towers Perth yesterday…
The Law Society and Bar Association are both members of the Law Council of Australia, who on behalf of the Australian legal profession have for many years taken a strong position on family, domestic and sexual violence – it is preventable and there is no excuse for it, and it should never occur.
Whilst we grieve and mourn the loss of these women, I also mourn the loss of the women who don’t become household names after their tragic deaths, who perhaps don’t get as much media coverage in the news that has been flooded by the stories of women killed by violence each week.
We know that the most vulnerable in our communities are disproportionately affected by violence, with the Australian Institute of Health and Wellness reporting social and cultural factors can also increase the risk of experiencing family, domestic and sexual violence. In some cases, these factors may overlap or combine to create an even greater risk. Additional factors that can increase the risk of violence include remoteness and socioeconomic area of residence, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity and cultural influences. Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander (First Nations) women are particularly at risk and have much higher rates of hospitalisation because of family violence.
I am so sick of “counting dead women” as Destroy the Joint has tragically had to pursue for many years. These women are not numbers. They are mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, employees, colleagues, neighbours, humans. They are women with lives, loved ones, hopes and dreams, all of which are shattered when their lives are stolen in a moment of rage, often when they try to leave. Why don’t they leave? Because we know leaving is often deadly for women trying to escape an intimate partner, apparently even in “relationships” (if we call them that) as short as a few weeks.
With just six weeks left until the end of the year, as a nation, it seems we are going to outdo ourselves. We have already surpassed the annual average of one woman per week killed by a current or former male partner.
We cannot stay silent on these issues. Communities, politicians, business leaders and all humans must speak up and act.
According to Full Stop Australia CEO Karen Bevan:
“Prevention and response services are profoundly under-resourced. If we expect to end sexual, domestic and family violence in a generation (as per the National Plan), then more needs to be done…. We need a whole-of-community response to support women and children’s safety. That means listening to one another, offering support, having conversations with our family and friends and in our workplaces, getting our laws and policies right, and having adequate and funded support services and police responses. We need this to be a genuine and sustained priority throughout all our systems – it means changing attitudes, directing resources and educating everyone about gender equality.”
I’m past sad when I see the faces of these women in the media. I’m past disappointment and the other polite words we use to express sorrow. My blood boils every time I hear another woman has been killed. My heart aches for the families and children that are left behind and the lives that are destroyed.
What’s more horrifying is that behind the faces of women tragically and horrifically killed, are countless faceless women who are terrorised, tortured and coerced ever day. At least 3,600 women are admitted to hospital each year as a result of assault. Five thousand calls are placed to police about domestic and family violence every week.
As Holly Wainwright so powerfully said, in her article last week titled “Another Good Bloke“:
The men who kill women do not look like monsters. They are not easy to pick out in a room. They don’t come marked with a zig-zag scar across one eye or drag a tail behind them…One woman a week is an unbearable, seemingly immovable number… So many ordinary men. So many average monsters who look like your friend, your brother, your father, your boss, your boyfriend, your husband. And so many women, like Lilie James, who must never be forgotten. Lost at the hands of such “good blokes”.
Demand for domestic violence services outweighs their capacity to supply. What happens to those who are turned away, having fled their homes with their children? Where on earth do they go? What on earth do they do? As a mother this is unimaginable.
Organisations play an critical role in ensuring they are protecting workers who may be subject to domestic violence. The statistics are such that these women ARE in our workplaces and our neighbourhoods. This problem is not isolated and discrete, it is widespread, indiscriminate and endemic. It is not out of sight and out of reach, it is happening in our own backyards and we must open our eyes, hearts, minds and purse strings to address it together.
All employees in Australian now are entitled to family or domestic violence leave. This leave extends beyond employees’ existing sick leave and personal carers’ leave entitlements, allowing all employees (including casuals) time off to go to the police, obtain legal advice, seek medical advice or arrange for new accommodation during business hours.
According to Safe Work Australia, organisations should provide a safe environment for workers to disclose family or domestic violence, assuring them of confidentiality and help identify risks. Leaders and other workers may also notice signs of family and domestic violence, such as frequent unexplained bruising or injuries, excessive absence or lateness, inability to take work-related trips or receiving excessive personal calls or visits. Risks may change over time and leaders should continue to engage with workers on health and safety issues, particularly when workers are not physically co-located, and risks are less evident, especially with so many people working from home.
Organisations and leaders can help by offering assistance beyond minimum to legislative requirements to actively respond to domestic violence. This can include:
- taking a personalised and humane approach to implementing domestic and family violence leave policies which can offer increased leave or broader entitlements and benefits to employees;
- having nominated staff who are known to workers and trained in responding safely and in a trauma informed manner;
- offering all workers training on supports available for those experiencing family and domestic violence and ensuring employees have access to confidential support within and external to the organisation to disclose family and domestic violence;
- developing and implementing personalised safety plans for an emergency response to instances of family and domestic violence including when to involve police;
- offering flexible work arrangements, such as adjustments to working hours or work locations as is now required under the Fair Work Act for many employees (with some exceptions) who are experiencing family and domestic violence or providing care or support to an immediate family or household member who is experiencing family and domestic violence; and
- providing short-term loans (eg for bond payments) or alternative short term accommodation to employees who are fleeing violence.
Organisations and leaders should also take disciplinary action against abusers if they are using workplace resources such as work time, phones and email/ computers to threaten, harass or abuse and consider whether matters should be reported to the police.
Supporting gender equity in the workplace is also critical in addressing this domestic violence crisis. According to Our Watch the following ‘reinforcing’ factors contribute to violence against women or make it worse:
- Condoning of violence in general, which can lead to the ‘normalisation’ of violence.
- Experience of, and exposure to, violence (particularly during childhood).
- Factors that can weaken prosocial behaviour (such as stress, environmental/neighbourhood factors, natural disasters and crises, male-dominated settings and heavy alcohol consumption) and therefore reduce empathy, respect and concern for women.
- Backlash and resistance to prevention and gender equality (actions that seek to block change, uphold the status quo of gender relations, or re-establish male privilege and power), which creates an environment in which there is a heightened risk of violence.
As Georgie Dent passionately appealed to us at a fundraising event during the pandemic, before another 56 women were killed this year:
Being weary is a luxury we can’t afford. This is a state of emergency. Intimate partner violence is by far the deadliest form of terrorism on Australian soil.
But there is hope. In the words of Margaret Mead: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
Support is available: https://fullstop.org.au/contact-us
Full Stop Australia provides free 24/7 telephone and online counselling. If you have experienced violence or abuse we are here to help you.
If you are a non-offending family member or friend of someone who has experienced violence, we can also support you.
Counsellors are available on 1800 FULL STOP (1800 385 578).
In an emergency, call 000.