I hear a lot from women who are considering taking their next steps in their career. For some women they need to consider their children.
When I read that Marina Go was resigning to take a Sydney-based role for family reasons I was reminded of my mother’s own sacrifices.
My mother has always worked and it has always been clear to me that she has the potential to go far. However, my brother and I have always been part of that consideration. The nature of her work takes her all over the state and sometimes interstate, which has increasingly become part of our lives.
So often women who are either rising or established in their careers, and have children, consider what their professional decisions will have on them. It is something that is mentioned by fathers less. The long and short of it is that if your kids’ needs are being met, they will be fine either way. Mary Barra, the CEO of General Motors, has said that her kids will only hold her accountable for one job – being a parent.
Some of my friends at school had their mothers at every sports and arts event, but my mother didn’t do that. I knew that she didn’t need to be there all the time, which made it even more special when she could come. My father’s parents live in the suburb next to us and often when neither of my parents could be at a school event then they would supplement them.
Children seem very difficult to manage, let alone three. With both of my parents working and being active people my brothers and I had a sense of responsibility and discipline instilled in us – even when they couldn’t be there.
I can’t say that we were always the best children but we could all see the opportunities that our parents were working to give us.
When I discuss this with women I often get asked whether I wish my mother had been around more. I think it is an important question to ask but the answer is difficult. I think my mother was around enough for me. In saying this, I would not have complained if she was around more or less. I’ve been given a lot of opportunities and that has been through the values my parents raised me with and what they have given me.
Equilibrium is found. Sometimes we are parents or family members first and at other times we will be professionals first. Being a working parent, a mother or a father, is about being pragmatic and doing the best you can. Each person and family finds something that works for them; for some it comes quickly and for others it takes time.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child. We are all likely to experience moments where we wanted the support of a parent and they weren’t available, and vice versa.
Dealing with compromises and sacrifices is a part of life, especially when raising children. Women shouldn’t be pushed in one direction or another. If there was a pamphlet on how to do everything all at once to an Olympic standard then we would happily have less issues to deal with. We know that we can’t have or do it all at the same time, so why do we pursue it? And why are mothers asked about it more than fathers?