There has been a great deal of discussion generated around the results of the Ten to Men survey, released this week by the Australian Institute of Family Studies.
Some of the headline findings include that one in three men report using intimate partner abuse in relationships, up from around 1 in 4 in 2013/14, and that men experiencing moderate to severe depressive symptoms were 62 per cent more likely to use intimate partner violence by 2022, compared to men who did not report these symptoms. Men who experienced good social supports were 26 per cent less likely to use violence, and men who felt they had a positive and affectionate male role model in childhood were 48 per cent less likely to report having ever used intimate partner violence.
These are important findings and show that the quality of men’s relationships and good mental health is strongly correlated with fewer (self-reported) abusive behaviours.
What is also important, and what we rarely talk about, is what happens when data like this is published – who uses it, what for, and whose interests it is placed in service to argue for. Without question, domestic and family violence in Australia is a wicked problem, and we need to work on it from multiple angles at once. We also need to make sure that our actions do not fall into the trap of minimising or excusing violence and abuse, and gloss over the impact on victims in attempting to understand causative and correlative factors.
Domestic violence response organisations have known that depressive symptoms and suicidality in men raise the risk for domestic abuse for a long time. These kinds of questions are asked as part of risk assessments for women and children by police and justice agencies routinely. We need to always remember and recognise that regardless of whether a person using abuse is experiencing depression or suicidality, using violence is always a choice.
We need to recognise that, regardless of whether a man using abuse experienced depression, childhood trauma, financial concerns or lack of social supports – the impact of the abuse on the victims is the same, whether any, or none of those issues are present. The fear and harm engendered by being stalked, controlled, routinely degraded or abused, whatever may be operating in the background for the abuser, is real and tangible for the victim. They have the right for the impacts of the abuse to be taken seriously, and addressed. We can never, ever, afford to divert all our attention, time, funding and energy to understanding the mind of the abuser whilst ignoring or minimising the impacts of the abuse on their victims. To do so once again makes those using abuse the main characters in every story, whilst partners and families are reduced to collateral damage, or supporting characters in his narrative, rather than people with lives and dreams of their own. Accountability, in all its forms, matters for victims.
We cannot allow data around ‘healthy relationships with father figures’ to be misused by those seeking to manipulate courts and justice agencies into ongoing contact with children and families they have deeply, and lastingly harmed through the things they have done to them.
We don’t need to ask whether there is a risk of this happening – we know it already does. We need to recognise that children who have been significantly harmed by a parent’s behaviour should have the ultimate right to safety and peace, even if that means no contact with an abusive parent. If we’re going to break the cycle of domestic and family violence, children must be given the opportunity to heal with the best supports available, even at the cost of a relationship with a parent.
This data is excellent, and a timely caution about the ubiquitous nature of abuse. Let’s not reinforce the problem with how we use it.
Feature image: Annabelle Daniel.
If you or someone you know is experiencing, or at risk of experiencing, domestic, family or sexual violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au for online chat and video call services.
If you are concerned about your behaviour or use of violence, you can contact the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491 or visit http://www.ntv.org.au.
Feeling worried or no good? No shame, no judgement, safe place to yarn. Speak to a 13YARN Crisis Supporter, call 13 92 76. This service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
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