Becoming a mum is without a doubt one of the most exciting times of your life. It’s life- changing, beautiful, overwhelming, and at times, deeply isolating. While we expect the sleepless nights and hormone shifts, few talk about the loneliness that often follows. The tribe that used to surround new mothers doesn’t, or rarely, exists.
Many mums are longing for connections. However, for some they find the effort is often one-sided. They find themselves being the one who reaches out, organising playdates and sending messages, only to receive lukewarm responses or silence in return. It can feel demoralising to always be the one doing the emotional lifting in relationships that never seem to deepen. Social media makes things worse, showing curated snapshots of “mum squads” that feel out of reach.
While the school or daycare gate may seem like a social hub, many mums find it to be a minefield of cliques and unspoken dynamics. You might try to chat, suggest playdates, or connect over shared routines but find the connection never deepens.
Loneliness feels shameful, but it shouldn’t. Many mums are afraid to admit they’re lonely, worried it sounds needy, silly, or like they’ve failed at something that seems to come easily to others. But the truth is, this experience is incredibly common and you’re not alone in feeling alone.
What’s worse, it’s not just about us. When we can’t build strong friendships with other parents, it can sometimes limit our children’s social opportunities too with fewer playdates, fewer invitations, fewer shared memories. And that guilt weighs heavily.
So, what can we do?
The reality is, there are a lot of us resonating with the above, so let make a change and flip the script. Make a vow to embrace each other and rebuild community. Say yes to the playdate and follow up.
Apps like Tribal offer an authentic way to connect with others based on your values and similar interests, taking away the challenge of having those awkward playground or school gate conversations that often don’t lead anywhere. You’ll be matched with like-minded people in similar situations, people that are longing for connection and authentic conversations.
Be mindful of how you use social media. Does scrolling leave you feeling worse? It may be time to log out, or better yet, delete socials altogether for a while. Sign up to local playgroups or community events. When you’re there, don’t try and squeeze into the established cliques.
Instead, look for the mum who is standing on her own or quietly scrolling her phone. She’s likely feeling just as isolated as you and is craving connection.
Consider volunteering at your child’s daycare or school, a shared purpose can make socialising easier and more meaningful and is a great step in connecting with other mums. If you’re able to, speak up about loneliness. You might be surprised how many people will open up once someone breaks the silence. Build your tribe one step at a time because none of us should feel alone in motherhood.