Bullied by those beneath you? Tackle it before it tackles you - Women's Agenda

Bullied by those beneath you? Tackle it before it tackles you

Upward bullying is a problem women in management are particularly vulnerable to, according to recent research, especially in organisations where resources are tight and employee workloads high. But there are a number of steps managers can take to help deal with the issue. 

Amy*, a former manager in a large company, knows the effects of upward bullying all too well. She tells Women Agenda how she put up with bullying from her team for more than a year before she abruptly quit in 2011. It started with one employee making snide comments about her managerial style in meetings but soon grew to hostility from several staff members to any changes she introduced, no matter how small.  

“I didn’t actually realise it was bullying at the time because I was so busy turning myself inside out trying to be the best, most consultative boss I could be, while also keeping up with my massive workload,” Amy says.  “I’m embarrassed looking back that the negative behaviour crept up on me. I was too exhausted to try to turn it all around – I basically gave up.”

It has taken Amy a few sessions with a psychologist to get her self-esteem back on track. She is nervous about taking on another managerial role but is hopeful that if she does, she will have the courage to immediately address undermining behaviour by staff. 

“If you stay silent, it’s like a virus that spreads very quickly,” Amy warns.  “If you have a team or are considering being a manager, I urge you to get a mentor, or someone you really trust, to bounce around problems and ideas with. I wish I did. It’s so lonely being a manager without support.” 

That’s the first tip organisational psychologist Jasmine Sliger also offers, when quizzed on the matter by Women’s Agenda. 

Sliger says that if you recognised you are being bullied by staff, it’s vital you share the burden with someone you trust and respect. 

While every case is different, Sliger also offers the following helpful advice for those who suspect they’re being bullied by staff to draw on.

Identify bullying is happening in the first place

Are you seeing a pattern of behaviour? Taken individually, one particular act or comment by a staff member might appear innocuous or trivial but when you identify a series of disturbing behaviour it can be destructive and threatening.  

“Men can more easily see they are being bullied or manipulated and what they often tend to do is apply for another job, taking every last bit of sick and vacation leave before they go,” Sliger says. 

“I’ve seen extremely hard working professional women who sacrifice a lot for their job – what I call the innocents. They think the treatment they are receiving is a bit of a mistake and stick around trying to work through it. They have no idea what’s happening – that their own team is stabbing them in the back.”

Start documenting the issues 

Write down when and where the behaviour started, and exactly what happened. You might document for example, up to 12 instances of worrying acts/behaviour. 

Confide in someone you can trust

It’s important to share your problem, including your documented issues, with a mentor or someone at work “equal or superior” to you who you trust, respect and has a balanced view of things. You can ask the question “do you think I’m being bullied?”

Sliger says confiding in a subordinate, no matter how great your relationship, is a big mistake. She says it’s “the kiss of death”.  

Seeking counselling, for example from a psychologist, is also valuable not only to gain support but to discuss strategies to take back into the workplace to trial.

Be mindful of self-care  

Some victims of bullying by staff get so worn out by the humiliation of it all they stop looking after themselves, including ceasing exercise. 

“You can easily deteriorate mentally when you are being bullied, which can lead to depression, anxiety and other problems,” Sliger says. “You have to learn to look after yourself.”

Weigh it all up

“If you have gone through documenting things, gone to see someone, had a little bit of a try at relationship strategies over two to three months – whatever you can tolerate – and nothing good has come from it, you really need to assess if you are in the right company,” Sliger says. 

“Some organisations promote a good workforce and good morale but others are dysfunctional and breed bullies.” 

Sliger adds that if you request a formal investigation into the bullying, it’s important to remember that news about this could filter through your organisation and potentially also be discovered by the next company you apply for a job with. 

An alternative view: go direct to the source

Dr Martha Knox-Haly, executive coach and organisational development specialist, advocates people raising the issue of bullying directly with the perpetrator first. Sliger disagrees and says you would have to be “super strong” to be able to do this. 

In regards to cutting your losses, Dr Knox-Haly takes a similar view to Sliger: “If the organisation has failed to respond to your concerns, get out and get another job while your self-esteem is relatively intact and you present well at interviews. 

“You’ve always got legal avenues but what a pathway to personal destruction that can be.” 

 

*Name changed to protect identity. 

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