Life advice from Quentin Bryce: What I learned after a morning with the former GG

What a morning with Quentin Bryce taught me.

Earlier today, along with several hundred other women and a smattering of men, I attended a Business Chicks breakfast to hear the inimitable Quentin Bryce speak.

And the former Governor-General and “the most stylish woman in the country”, as she was aptly described by the event MC Natarsha Belling, did not disappoint.

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She recalled several endearing anecdotes from her term as GG, including the time a soldier standing within earshot asked his fellow serviceman, “Which one is the Governor General?”. “She’s the granny in the pink dress,” came the reply.

She told us about a couple from Ballarat with whom she began corresponding after receiving a letter they penned following an interview she did with Kerry O’Brien on the ABC.

“I don’t think she’s our type” was Norman’s initial impression which, he explained his wife Muriel also shared.

“They came around – they liked that I was from the country – but it wasn’t quite 100% approval,” Bryce explained. Another letter arrived after they heard she was to be visiting their district.

“Well you can’t possibly come to Ballarat and not see us,” the letter implored.

So she arrived at their “absolutely beautiful farm” to the sight of their nine grandsons, each wearing perfectly pressed linen shorts, all waving Australian flags to greet her.

Norman’s letters are among those published in Dear Quentin, Letters of a Governor General, a hardback book featuring the letters Bryce wrote and received during her six-year term.

Breakfast with the inimitable Quentin Bryce, hundreds of women & a smattering of men. #businesschicks

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On stage today, with humour, insight, compassion and eloquence Bryce traversed topics from the importance of good quality childcare (which she says remains widely misunderstood), to children who named a poddy calf after her, to the proliferation of old-fashioned sexism, to the importance of relaxation.

Quentin Bryce is a, if not the, woman for all seasons and an hour in her company proved powerful, poignant and persuasive.

Here are just a few of the pearls of wisdom she shared.

On letting go of being superwoman

She’d spent the best part of the afternoon preparing for a dinner party, including making a Cassata from scratch.

“I sat there and watched a women pick out all the bits I had painstakingly included… that was when I ditched the superwoman thing! Attempting to be the perfect wife, perfect host and perfect mother is just not sustainable.”

On women taking care of themselves 

Falling ill was what prompted Bryce to “ask for help and accept help when it was offered”. She has learned to regularly take stock of where she is at, because ignoring your health happens very easily – and it means you can get quite ill, quite quickly.

“I am evangelical about this, women need to leave time for themselves to rest, relax and look after their spirit,” she said.

Making time for your own health and well being does take discipline.

“It’s much easier to be a workaholic than to live a balanced life,” Bryce said.  “It has to be high on the family agenda and it pays to put it there. When a mum is ill the whole family often falls apart.”

On having five children under the age of seven

“Chaos!”

That was and is the way Bryce always responded to people who asked how she did it.

On friendship

The support women give each other is invaluable – particularly when you are in the thick of raising a family.

“That’s why women’s friendships are so important and never do those friendships matter more than when you have small children.”

On good quality childcare 

Childcare is important for mothers and families but Bryce says it is most important for children.

“We have all the research and information about how critical the first five years of a child’s life are. Good quality childcare gives every child the opportunity to reach their full potential but we haven’t really grasped that reality in Australia.”

It is still viewed by too many people as “babysitting” which is why the skills of early childhood educators are too often taken for granted.

“The enrichment for children is something we need to talk about more.  Yes childcare is vitally import for the labour market and the economy but the priority of good quality childcare is what it delivers children. We have to look more seriously at the marvellous work our early childhood educators do.”

The “same political conversation” repeats itself and misses this point which is why Bryce says we all need to become advocates for high quality childcare.

On defending the gains women have made. 

“It is unbelievable,” Bryce told Belling after being shown a copy of The Daily Mail’s infamous cover of Theresa May and Nicola Sturgeon. “Honestly I can’t believe the old fashioned sexism of it and I am seeing quite a lot of it now.”

That sort of depiction detracts from the dignity of women and goes against the changes that were hard fought. She said the “Legs It” newspaper undermines the women’s leadership and trivialises what they are doing.

“We have to be vigilant when we talk about opening up opportunities for women. We have to keep an eye on reforms to ensure things aren’t wound back,” she said.
“We all stand on the shoulders of women who worked so hard – and met significant backlash – to break down barriers for women.”

On domestic violence.

Violence against women is the most serious human rights issue in the world.

“Our voice is the most important tool we have to fight it. We need to confront it not turn away. Every room we are in has perpetrators and victims of violence in it,” Bryce said. “We hear the death figures but we don’t hear about the women who are grievously injured everyday. We don’t hear about their children. ”

In Queensland police will receive 300 calls a day relating to domestic violence and it is beholden on all of us to ask what we are doing to address it.

“Every single one of us has to ask how we can keep women and their children safe,” she says.  She recalls talking to a group of men who she asked to help in this realm.

“They said ‘Oh we wouldn’t know men like that!’. I said yes you would,” Bryce told the room. “I said to them, that when a conversation slides into the denigration of women – which we know happens – they need to say ‘We don’t talk like that’.”

On resilience. 

Take good care of yourself involves “building stores of resilience which we all need for the tough gullies and challenges”. Bryce says the most effective way to do this is to immerse yourself in the arts and the world’s beauty.

“Listen to music that makes your heart soar. See the beauty in art galleries, in nature, by the beach. Watch a live performance,” Bryce said. “Leaving time for quietness to go inside yourself can be difficult in our loud, hectic world but we need to stop and watch the clouds moving.”

Indeed.

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