New motherhood is often filled with love and times of joy, but the demands of the day-to-day can leave women feeling unseen and disconnected from the parts of life that used to make them feel like themselves.
The 2026 Motherhood Index published by Women’s Agenda in partnership with Medibank, found 73 per cent of mothers experience loneliness at least a few times a month, while 28 per cent feel lonely every week.
Almost half of mums said they feel more lonely now than before having children, while 71 per cent said they feel isolated from their previous social networks.
New motherhood is also a time of life where women’s leisure time drops significantly. At the same time, men’s leisure time remains roughly the same after having children — they still tend to exercise, see friends, maintain their pre-baby life in a way that doesn’t happen for many women.
The mental load is a huge part of this equation for new mums once a child arrives.
“A lot of what I do every day is invisible to everyone I know besides the baby who can’t express appreciation. So you feel unseen, underappreciated and alone in the struggles multiple times daily,” one new mum said.
Mental load expert and sociologist Dr Leah Ruppanner says the concept of mental load was initially developed through our understanding of women making the transition into motherhood.
“It’s this idea that mothers are now responsible for remembering if their babies have been vaccinated, whether they’re growing appropriately, whether they have enough nappies, whether they have likes and preferences” Dr Ruppanner tells Women’s Agenda.
Dr Ruppanner explains that the social expectations we place on women to innately know how to be a parent, rather than it being something they need to learn and adapt to, contributes to the pressure.
“We basically say ‘you’re the CEO of the family, but you got to do it alone’,” Dr Ruppanner says.
“But no CEO does anything alone, right? They have a team around them.”
When a woman enters motherhood, multiple forms of the mental load arrive at the same time, Dr Ruppanner explains. Whether it’s organising family life, providing emotional support, maintaining relationships, thinking about their child’s future, keeping track of your own health, researching how to parent “properly”, monitoring safety and even creating special family moments.
Then, there are more immediate and practical concerns around feeding, sleep and the baby’s development and health.
“Everything that mothers are carrying, that’s a mental drain, right?” Ruppanner says.
Recent research revealed new mothers only have about one hour out of their waking day for rest. This explosion of the mental load also comes at the same time that women’s social worlds and day-to-day interaction become less.
One mother who responded to our survey asked: “Sometimes it feels like ‘am I the only one who is experiencing an absolute shit show?’”
The Motherhood Index revealed that the social infrastructure and childcare models that exist in Australia are designed in a way that puts undue pressure on mothers to take on the burden of care. These models are also typically designed around the assumption of two-parent households where one person – usually the woman – is with the children during business hours. There’s no doubt the mental load burden is even greater for single mothers.
Time for mental load audit?
In her book, Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, Professor Ruppanner encourages her readers to engage in a mental load “audit”.
“Get clear on where your mental load energy is going. Get clear on where you want it to go, and then get clear on the solutions that will help you,” she shares.
“Some of the mental load can be dropped, some of it can be shared, some of it can be delegated, but if you have to hold it, you’re going to need that replenishment so you can continue to show up exactly as you want to, for your child, but also for yourself.”
Ruppanner says the women she has spoken to for her academic research often describe guilt about resting, exercising or investing in themselves.
“They would feel like if I am investing in myself, it’s in violation of the family,” she says. Fathers, she says, were more likely to describe investing in themselves as investing in their families.
What we know from the Motherhood Index is that dedicating time to maintaining social connection, friendships, hobbies, careers and community ties is not an indulgence, it’s one of the key things that can protect a mother’s mental health.
Indeed, nearly 40 per cent of women surveyed for the Motherhood Index said they had experienced or were currently experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety. The report also found that meaningful friendships, supportive partners and a healthy community can play a protective role.
In two-parent households, Professor Ruppanner says that partners can play a role by becoming more curious about the other parent’s experience, rather than assuming they already know what they are going through.
“A little more engaging and validating, and a little more curiosity,” she says.
You can find our Beyond the Village report, produced in partnership with Medibank, here.