It’s not very often that a question about my career path and life plan stops me in my tracks. But this time last week, following a talk that I gave on exactly that, it was a teenage girl who threw the curve ball.
The organisers behind the Primary Inspirational Women’ s Breakfast Series had invited to discuss my career path, how I juggled career and family and my plans to prioritise health and fitness this year. I have spoken and written extensively about the first two and had recently written about the third.
My take on those issues is: planning not whining will move you forward. I always encourage women to think about where they want to head to before they begin the journey because it’s impossible to make the right choices most of the time without at least a rough plan. Winging it was never an option for me, especially as I was determined to continue with my career plans while juggling two young children. I talk openly about how I managed the expectations of my various employers in order to prioritise my children because it would have been impossible for me to have both otherwise.
The line of questioning that followed confirmed that there is an intense desire to learn more about pathways to the top with children in tow. And that’s because it’s hard. Most of the time it is seriously tough work to successfully manage a career and family, and women have benefited enormously from our honest and open discussions about it.
At the completion of my talk, a number of women rushed forward to introduce themselves to me and thank me for sharing my story with them. One of those women was accompanied by her teenage daughter who politely acknowledged that she had enjoyed the discussion. But she didn’t look at me with the same enthusiasm as most of the women in the room. In fact, in hindsight, I would say she looked a bit shocked.
A minute after they departed, the mother ran back in alone to share with me the question her daughter asked as they approached the lift: “But do you think she is happy?”
The question threw me momentarily. But I had to admit that the daughter nailed it. She was absolutely right to wonder about that. I had spent the better part of an hour talking about everything I have achieved and how I did it, but I don’t recall once discussing my personal happiness. The short answer is: yes, I am happy. I am really, very happy with my life. The women who attended could see that, which is probably why I didn’t feel the need to be overt about it and they didn’t ask me to be. The scenario that I was describing screamed happiness to them because it is a life that many in the room desired for themselves. But the choices I have made are not for everyone and they may have sounded like hell to the teenager in the room. Even during the discussion about my fitness plans — which was the only part truly dedicated to ‘me-time’ — I described my choice of exercise as a strategic plan rather than something I was doing for fun. I was planning to take up bikram yoga, for example, because of the dual health and fitness benefits in a relatively short timeframe and not because I was passionate about it.
The question reminded me of something that my 19-year-old niece asked when I caught up with her for Christmas. She is pursuing a career in fashion, with the view to working on the business side or in the media. I have an open ended invitation to her to ask me anything she needs to know to progress her dreams. Her burning question? “Do you love your job?”
Thankfully I was able to answer without hesitation that yes, I do love my job. But it made me wonder then, as it has now again, if leadership wouldn’t seem a lot more attractive to the future generation of female leaders if we talked about our personal happiness a lot more.
These two young women, with big dreams, are not simply hoping for a career that will see them reach the top of their chosen fields with all of the stereotypical trappings of success. They want to know they’ll be happy when they get there, and indeed as they get there. That seems to be the end game for the next generation.
There are many, many stories about the struggle and the juggle. I have read them and I have written them. But in future I am going to make a conscious decision to speak about the joy too.