Why leadership is about love: REA Group CEO Tracey Fellows - Women's Agenda

Why leadership is about love: REA Group CEO Tracey Fellows

Known for disarming honesty and the ability to acknowledge her flaws, Tracey Fellows brings a refreshing vulnerability to senior leadership. Even today, she is unfazed by the idea that she still has plenty of things to learn.

Retaining a slight Canadian twang after 32 years in Australia, Tracey notched up 14 years at IBM after joining the company from university. Bitten by the tech bug, Tracey went on to become Managing Director of Microsoft Australia before heading to Singapore as Vice President for Asia-Pacific. Tracey returned to Australian soil to lead a monumental project for Australia Post: transforming digital and physical mail delivery.

Today, Tracey is CEO of REA Group, better known for running the realestate.com.au website.

In this edited extract from Gillian Fox’s Women of Influence, she shares what she knows about leadership, criticism and juggling work and family. 

What can women who don’t see themselves as natural leaders learn from your evolution?

I’ve worked immensely hard. People who worked for me early in my career would probably laugh to think I had any natural ability as a leader. I’ve worked on it a lot. It got easier.

Is there an attitude you adopted that newly minted female leaders might find helpful?

It got easier when my Italian mentor said to me, “Tracey, it’s all about love.” They’re words that I still connect with many years later. People don’t want pretty words and pretty pictures; they want to know what’s in your heart. Only then can they follow you.

How much do you think it’s about colleagues and subordinates seeing a woman owning her style of leadership and being true to herself?

Early in my career, I felt I had to wear a corporate face and say things in a very corporate way. That was what I perceived being a manager was about.

Now the Tracey you’re talking to is the same Tracey at home sitting on a couch with Ian and Jake, and that’s the same Tracey that I show everyone in the organisation. It got a lot easier. In some ways, I put pressure on myself that wasn’t necessarily there.

Many women will recognise that sentiment, Tracey – how did you get beyond that self-inflicted stress?

I was very fortunate I had a leader who made it very clear: it’s how you bring people together to get the outcomes. Alignment’s the difference, that’s what will make the company great, not your being 10% smarter or you’re working 20% harder. What that means is you start to understand and see how people perceive you. Are you motivating them, or are you sapping of their energy?

Part of that process was quite painful for me, because you see what people say about you in surveys, especially anonymous surveys.

What positives can other female leaders take from brutal management assessments – particularly when they have less experience?

You can’t ignore the results. You have to accept that some of your style isn’t helping bring out the best in people, doesn’t inspire them to come to work, doesn’t excite or energise them. That’s everything you don’t want to be as a leader. You want to be a person who is inspirational when things are going well and when they’re not. 

Many successful women speak of champions who are instrumental along the way, particularly when the champion has more faith in their ability than they do. Have you had an experience that boosted your confidence in a lasting way?

It was correct and amazing that Steve Vamos hired me when I was 3 months’ pregnant. Just 4 years later, he was going to Seattle to do a more senior role with Microsoft and said, “Do you want to go for the role of CEO of Australia?” It did give me enough confidence to apply for the role, but confidence is something that I struggle with in my career consistently.

As I’ve gotten older, I spot the signs. I see sometimes where self-criticism and beating myself up comes from. But I’m not naturally a hugely confident individual in my working life. In my personal life, yes: I think I’m a good wife, a good daughter and a good mother, but in my working life, considerably less so.

Confidence is something that surfaces a lot in these conversations – what’s the importance of surrounding yourself with people believing in your ability?

Your parents will always tell you you’re great. My son and husband think I’m great no matter what I do.

I think everybody has the voices in their head. Women are much more open about it. All the research would say it consistently. My own experience in dealing with other senior women who have worked for me or with me in different roles shows that it’s an absolutely constant theme:

I rarely hear it amongst men. Do I think they don’t have moments like that?

I’m quite sure they do, but women are more open about it. That Achilles heel has some positive attributes: I am humble, and I think that’s appealing for some people.

Transparency and integrity are so important, but do you think a young woman can afford to be quite so open about her failings?

The problem for women is, even in an interview we still feel relatively boastful. You do have to go in over-indexing your strengths, because quite naturally as women we can be hesitant. Leading with things that aren’t so strong can be your undoing.

Years ago at Microsoft, I was the only woman working for a leader with quite a big team. I was doing my performance review. It had been a mixed year, not awesome. I thought, ‘I really need to make sure I call out the things that did go well.’ My boss was highly critical. That’s his role. So I made sure I was, very clear on the things that had gone well in balancing that performance assessment. We finished the session and he said, “Tracey, you are the most self-critical of my direct reports.”

That’s the most boastful performance review I’ve ever done in my career.

When I told him as much, he looked at me and said, “Really?” In that moment, I thought, ‘That’s the difference between men and women.’ He really called out my self-criticism.

So you don’t want to overplay it. The more senior you get people aren’t going to bolster you up. You have to have a moment and let the self-critical voice subside. Without exaggerating, be up front about what’s gone well.

It’s okay to do that.

What can other women take from your experience juggling pregnancy with a corporate career?

When I joined Microsoft, they knew I was 3 months’ pregnant. I was in a role for 3 months, had my son and was promoted on maternity leave. I came back to my boss’s job after my son was 3 months old and went on to work at Microsoft for 9 years.

How do you juggle the demands of business and family life these days?

On any given week, I hope I’m a good mother, a good wife and a good CEO. I’m not all 3 every day. Some weeks I’m definitely a better CEO than I am a mother, and the reverse is also true.

I try and create boundaries. If I have a heavy workload, I’ll get up early.

My son doesn’t wake up at five, so I can do a chunk before he gets up, versus working late when he wants to see me. On weekends I try very much not to do emails. My son would rarely see me checking the phone. If he does he’ll say, “No, Mum, it’s my time,” and I’ll say, “You’re right, Jake.”

Now your son is older, what advice do you have for other working mums?

The other day, I was driving Jake to school, which I don’t do very often, and he said, “You have a really tough job, Mum.”

I said, “What do you mean, darling?”

“Well, REA want you and they need you. Dad needs you. Nan and Pops (my parents) need you and I need you. That’s really tough, Mum.”

I thought, “Isn’t that a good, wise observation?’

I had a proud mother moment. I said, “It doesn’t feel tough most days, Jake, because all those people need me, but I get something from all of those people.” 

Tracey, do you have any other insights for women who are poised for leadership and focused on developing a strong career?

Women who are poised for advancement should be sure they’re telling people that leadership’s their ambition. Very often women work really hard and they give a lot, but they haven’t necessarily told people around them – key decision-makers and in more senior positions – that leadership’s what they aspire to.

Men sometimes make decisions about what women’s aspirations are, because if you haven’t communicated it, they may reach the conclusion you don’t aspire to those senior roles. Giving voice to your aspiration is really important.

The second thing is women supporting each other. If you’re an aspiring woman moving into that next leadership position, there is nothing better than helping the women below you and bringing them up, because most of us are operating in workplaces that are still very male dominated. We’re the people who are going to change that. So help support other women along the way, whether they are peers or people underneath you.

Madeleine Albright said, “Women who don’t help other women, there should be a special place in hell for those people.”

I see very little of that, but the more the younger generation helps support each other, the faster we’ll see more equality in the workplace. 

Women’s Agenda readers can download an exclusive preview of Woman of Influence ahead of the official launch of the book on May 17, 2016. To download your exclusive preview, simply visit here.

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