No matter how unhappy or tense a home has become, the question that runs through every mother’s mind before she leaves is: “How am I going to do this all on my own?”
Yet, time and time again, many women prove this doubt woefully wrong. I am one of these women.
When I look back at my younger years, I’m often amazed by what I managed to do. I raised my four children after I separated, and today they’re beautiful adults that I’m enormously proud of. I also worked full time, built a career in nursing and the union movement, leading me to become a Federal Member of Parliament.
As a lifelong feminist I will always be proud of what I managed to achieve on my own terms, with my family and my career. However, the older I become, the more I realise that being a feminist means knowing that women can do it all, but we shouldn’t have to.
This was reinforced recently as I watched as my youngest daughter became a mum for the first time. She is much more at peace than I ever was, she has more time and space to just enjoy becoming a new mum. I believe much of this is because her partner is not a peripheral parent – he is an active, equal parent.
I wish every new mother, and father had more time and space to savour the joys of parenthood; myself included. But this isn’t the case. Right now, one in five expectant and new mothers experience perinatal depression and anxiety, and too many women struggle with their physical and mental health after having a baby without getting the care they need.
That’s why the Albanese Labor Government has established the Senate Select Committee on Women’s Health, chaired by Senator Marielle Smith. We want to hear directly from women about pregnancy, birth, fertility, postpartum care, women’s pain and all the way our health system could serve them better.
But making motherhood easier also means being honest about who carries the physical, emotional and mental load at home.
That’s why, alongside the Special Envoy for Men’s Health Dan Repacholi, I recently called on dads and partners to contribute to the Select Committee too.
I understand why some women have questioned that decision. Women have spent generations fighting to have our health, our work and our experiences taken seriously. So why, in an inquiry specifically about women’s health, are we asking to hear from men?
Because better support for dads is a vital part of ensuring better support for women.
This government will never lose sight of women or the fight for gender equality. But equality is not a zero-sum game. Breaking down the gender roles that hold women back can also free men to be more present fathers, partners and carers.
Right now, mothers spend almost twice as many hours caring for children in the home as fathers. That imbalance has consequences; on women’s careers, their health, their relationships and their ability to simply have time for themselves.
We also know that active and engaged fathers can have a profound impact on the wellbeing of their partners and children.
Of course, there are men who simply choose not to carry their fair share.
In my work as Assistant Minister, I also meet many men who genuinely want to be hands-on dads. They want to nurture their children, support their partners and experience all the joy and mess of parenthood. Research backs this up, finding that being an involved dad makes men happier and healthier too.
Yet many have grown up with very few examples of what that looks like. Instead, too many boys are still taught that a man’s role is simply to provide, to keep emotions to themselves, to leave care and nurturing to women.
Those rigid gender roles hurt women, but they hurt men too.
The Albanese Government wants to change the fact that roughly 80 per cent of fathers do not receive formal parenting support.
There is another, more serious reason to engage men during early fatherhood too. Pregnancy and the period after birth can be a time when partner violence begins or escalates.
We need to take advantage of the fact that early parenthood is a time when men are more likely to engage with health and family services. It gives us a critical opportunity to talk about relationships, mental health, caring and what it means to be an equal partner. It is also an opportunity to challenge harmful gender norms before they become entrenched, strengthen fathers’ caregiving roles and intervene before families reach crisis point.
Imagine the difference we could make if more fathers entered parenthood feeling confident to care, comfortable asking for help and understanding that strength can mean tenderness, patience and showing up.
Ultimately, our work to better understand what dads need is about what mums and babies need too: happier, healthier and more equal homes.
Watching my daughter become a mother has made me think a lot about how different those early years can be if someone is there to carry an equal share of the load. About how beautiful the next generation of fathers can be. About how we create a safer, fairer more equal country for all.