The process of IVF is long and uncertain. There are no guarantees of success. Here, Laila shares her story of taking on multiple rounds, and how the support of family made the difference. This is partner content, thanks to the support of Genea.
“I had a very calm personality coming into it. That changed dramatically.”
Laila was 30 years’ old when she and her partner decided they were ready to start a family.
Filled with excitement about this new chapter, Laila came off birth control and they started trying to conceive.
But something very worrying happened.
“I started bleeding and I didn’t stop bleeding for about two months,” she said.
“I finally went to the doctor but I think most people should go to the doctor sooner.”
After months of testing, Laila discovered that she has a rare genetic condition.
“That pretty much decided that our IVF journey was the only way that we could potentially conceive,” she said.
The diagnosis led Laila down a long and painful journey.
“We were a mess because I was a mess,” Laila said.
“My hormones were completely out of whack. I was crazy for lack of a better word.”
Laila had to undergo treatment and several rounds of egg collection but all of them failed.
“You’re trying to fit your life around all of the injections, which have to be in the fridge and they have to be at very specific times and it never matches up with your life,” she said.
“You’re going into the clinic every other day for scans and blood work and then you’re just desperately waiting by the phone for someone to call to tell you next steps.
“A general day is a combination of anxiety and just figuring out how to take things as they come.
“It just never went to plan.”
Being unable to conceive with so many different interventions, Laila and her partner ended up doing an egg donation round.
Sadly, they got very few embryos which put more pressure on the next steps.
Despite multiple dead-end roads and failed attempts, Laila and her partner did not give up.
“There was no other choice for me,” she said.
“I guess I hoped that it would work in the end. I don’t know if that’s silly or just hopeful. But you do kind of get to a point where you’re like, if I just do one more thing, it’ll work this time.
“Each chapter had its own ‘when will I stop?’ And for every person, that’s extremely individual.”
Working closely with a fertility specialist, Laila was eventually able to conceive and she managed to give birth in early 2026.
Looking back at her journey, Laila says having a support network played a very important role as she and her partner navigated the many challenges to starting a family.
“My husband has been a wonderful support, he has extremely high emotional intelligence which is really helpful,” she said.
“My mum has also been a huge support.
“From start to finish she was with me in the ups and many downs. But this process puts pressure on even the most loving and unconditional relationships.
“At some point, we both went to therapy together because at some point we were not communicating properly. What she was trying to do wasn’t matching up with my needs.”
Laila says they were able to work through these issues in a functional way by selecting a caring healthcare team including a fertility specialist and mental health therapists who were able to guide them at critical moments.
“Loved ones just want to be there for you and they don’t know how and you’re in such a state that you can’t express what you need,” Laila said.
“So sometimes having a therapist, having a counsellor, having an external person help put your needs into words was really important throughout our journey.
“I think I drew into myself during the process because I found it too difficult to speak about it when I was going through it.
“But I know people who are the exact opposite: they needed a community, they needed to feel like they weren’t alone.
“No matter how you’re approaching your journey, that’s okay.
“If you feel like you need to seek out a community, then do it. If you feel like you just need time to yourself and the ones who are closest to you, do it.
“And it doesn’t have to be consistent throughout your journey.
“Sometimes I was talkative, sometimes I was crying in the bathroom by myself.”
IVF is incredible but it is not a guarantee
Dr Ying Li, a CREI accredited fertility specialist at Genea, says IVF is often seen as a miracle cure for people struggling to give birth.
“I think one of the cruelest things to do is to expect miracles and then be brought down to earth by your outcomes,” he said.
“Don’t be deceived by what you read in the media or what you see on TV.
“There’s a misconception that it’s like going to a spa, ticking the IVF box and then you walk out the same day and you’re good.
“A lot of patients get surprised by the process, how long it is.
“I preface IVF by saying that this is an invasive process.
“It can be very anxiety provoking because you never kind of have an end to it.
“You have one thing that’s completed and then you’re waiting for the next thing, which then gets finished and you’re waiting for the next thing. So there’s constant anticipation.
“People who undergo this process need an incredible amount of resilience.”
At what point should I stop trying with IVF?
People struggling with fertility may wonder how many cycles of IVF they should do before looking at other options.
Dr Li says the chance of birth increases for up to around six rounds of IVF.
“From cycle one to three, the more cycles you do, the higher your cumulative live birth rates,” he said.
“Then if you don’t succeed in the first cycles, from cycles three to six there is still an uptick but the rate of that uptick – the slope of that line – flattens a little from about cycle six onwards.
“After around six cycles, the more cycles you do, there’s no more benefit. That line completely flattens out.”
When working with Laila and her partner, Dr Li said it was important to set realistic expectations.
“There was no sugar coating of their prognosis at any point,” he said.
“But the balance is to not do it in a way that makes them lose all hope altogether.”
Going through IVF while navigating so much uncertainty can have a heavy toll on a person’s mind and body.“
I sometimes feel like our counsellors are super underutilised,” he said.
“They’re very good at just listening, not offering a medical opinion and giving coping strategies. I actively encourage people to make use of them.”
Every person and couple going through this journey will have to face their own unique ups and downs.
For some, one round will lead to a baby.
For others, it may take much longer and IVF may not even work out in the end.
For patients going through this journey, having fertility doctors who can be honest, compassionate and realistic is vital.
Dr Li said it is also important to take the journey step by step.
“Celebrate the small wins,” he said.
“Taking it step by step and not focusing too much on anything that’s too long term is an important coping strategy.
“If you have a good doctor, a good clinician, who offers you treatment, it’s because truly they think this treatment is going to work.
“They have hope it will give you a good outcome – and I think it’s important not to lose sight of that.”