I know how she does it: (She cares less about what others think) - Women's Agenda

I know how she does it: (She cares less about what others think)

Earlier today we hosted a breakfast event in Sydney where I had the great pleasure of interviewing Ann Sherry about her work, life and family.

Among other things in our wide-ranging conversation that touched on risks, paid parental leave, politics , flexibility, productivity, growing a business and women in sport, it was also personal.

Ann spoke about being a baby herself, at age 21, when she had her own baby. It was an undeniably instructive experience in the way that the arrival of a baby so often is.

More so in Ann’s case, because she and her husband were young and their son was born with a disability. At that time it was not uncommon for babies with disabilities to be put into care, but that wasn’t going to be.
The fact others in the hospital had suggested she might do that, only fuelled Ann’s determination to take their son home and help him flourish. Which he did.

As she told that story I was struck by her resolve, even as a 21 year old university student. As our conversation progressed, it became increasingly clear this was a pattern.

Despite her mother’s desire for her to simply marry a doctor, or at least work in health, she walked away from her radiography degree. She studied pure mathematics and computer science with a side of politics.

She didn’t just take her son home from hospital. She took him home, finished university and went about creating the career she always envisioned she’d have.

She moved her family from Brisbane to England, “at a time when no one sold their home and moved to England” to take up a scholarship at Warwick University. Upon arriving and realising the bleak reality of their life there, she walked away from the scholarship and moved to London instead.

When approached to join Westpac in an HR role she thought “I don’t know what that is but I’ll do it”.

It became apparent in a variety of ways that Ann has little fear and because of that, her starting point for decisions is different. 

Of all the factors that have influenced her along the way, I got the distinct impression that what other people want or expect is at the bottom of Ann’s priorities.

She said she thinks girls are culturally programmed to be the custodians of “sensible” decisions and it isn’t particularly helpful. Ann’s career and achievements are a powerful testament to what’s possible when you shun straight and sensible for courageous. She hasn’t spent her life jumping out of aeroplanes (that I’m aware of) but she’s spent her life being bold. Living on terms that suited her and her family, not anyone else’s expectations.
Going against the grain in any setting, takes strength. Even now. We recently published a piece about the judgment of being “one of those corporate Mums” and its popularity proved to me how alive and well certain expectations about mothers are.

The premise of this centres around the fact that a mother being home with her children, rather than work, is preferable. It’s an enduring narrative and I’m reminded of its sway each time I fall into the mother guilt trap.
Despite my best efforts to ignore it, whenever one of our kids sneezes/ has a tantrum/ goes to daycare in her pyjamas, or looks tired I immediately set about examining exactly how I have contributed to these problems

But guess what? As if listening to Ann Sherry this morning wasn’t persuasive enough, it turns out that being an employed mother is actually a win for daughters. (And future parents and gender equality).
The Harvard Business School has just released new research looking at how inequalities in workplaces are affected by childhood exposure to non-traditional gender role models at home. 

Data collected as part of the International Social Survey Programme in 2002 and 2012 from nationally representative samples of men and women in 24 countries in North and South America, Australia, Europe, Asia and the Middle East, shows the following:

– Adult daughters of employed mothers are more likely to be employed, more likely to hold supervisory responsibility if employed, work more hours, and earn marginally higher wages than women whose mothers were home full time.

– Sons raised by an employed mother spend more time caring for family members than men whose mothers stayed home full time, and daughters raised by an employed mother spend less time on housework than women whose mothers stayed home full time.

– the potential for non-traditional gender role models to gradually erode gender inequality in homes and labor markets.

Working and having a family shouldn’t require bravery, and for lots of men and women I’m sure it doesn’t. But if it is the trigger for testing your bravery out, you might as well make a habit of it. Ann Sherry has convinced me that being bold is worth it. What’s the worst that can come from it?

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